During the holiday season, your family may anticipate long days off from school, extra sweets and unique food, and seasonal events. However, you may also feel increased stress and anxiety. After all, there are more things on your To Do list. Your grandchild doesn’t handle transitions and changes in routine well. Family visits can be difficult. All the extra sweets contribute to challenging behavior. Bedtime routines are out of whack. Sometimes, the holidays feel like something to survive as best you can. How do you manage holiday stress so you and your family can be present and enjoy each other?
The Don’ts of Healthy Holiday Stress Management
Yes, the holiday season may represent extra family togetherness and a much-needed break from the regular pace. But those same joys can create stress when you don’t prepare yourself. Let’s start with a few suggestions of what not to do during this holiday season.
1. Don’t Say Yes to It All.
It’s tempting to fit in all the shopping, special events, new recipes, and extras this time of year. Instead, be selective about what goes onto the family calendar this year. You can say no occasionally and still experience a joyful holiday season!
Here are a few ways to avoid saying yes to everything:
- Make appointments with yourself on the calendar for rest, family nights at home, or self-care activities.
- Talk through each person’s “top three” favorite events. You will likely overlap in what everyone enjoys the most. Put those activities on the calendar.
- If you find little to no overlap, ask each person to narrow their list to one or two priorities. Add those as they fit your time frame.
- Or write down each person’s favorites on paper and drop them in a basket. Decide how many are reasonable to draw and add those to the calendar.
- Next year, have these conversations earlier to plan. Try to space these cherished activities out more to accommodate everyone’s preferences.
2. Don’t Skimp on Sleep!
Melt-downs are common occurrences at many holiday events, right? Kids and grown-ups alike are overwhelmed and exhausted. No matter how you handle daytime holiday activities, do your best to maintain a consistent bedtime routine for the family. Yes, you should embrace and enjoy the occasional evening events like the community carol singing or school parties. But the next night, you should return to the regular bedtime routine, or even settle in earlier than normal if you can manage it.
Tired brains are grumpy brains. Grumpy brains become dysregulated brains. This is a recipe for ruining cherished traditions and events. Prioritizing sleep will help you all repair and prepare to get the most joy out of this season.
3. Don’t Hold Your Expectations Too Tightly.
Expectations, especially about your family dynamics, can be more challenging this time of year. You and your grandchildren likely carry ideas for what you want the holidays to look like. Getting everyone there can be challenging with awkward relationships or family members are not on the same page. Holding onto those expectations can wreck your experience of that event.
Instead, consider how you and your relative child can hold expectations loosely. Talk together about being flexible and gentle with yourselves and other family members. Model a loose grasp on expectations by discussing those hopes and how you will manage them.
Here’s an example.
Last year, Uncle Joe lost his cool and vented all afternoon about bad referee calls during the football games. The TV was too loud, and the shouting was unnerving. Plus, Aunt Mary wanted crescent rolls, not cornbread, and was not flexible about it. The whole day felt charged with mismatched expectations. You felt stressed most of the day. Your kids picked up on your stress. It was an uncomfortable Christmas day.
Have a few “lead-up” conversations with your family this year.
“Remember last year with Uncle Joe got so mad while watching the games? I really hope he doesn’t shout at the tv again this year. But if he does, I think I will take a short walk around the block to calm my mind. You are welcome to join me.”
“Last year, Auntie seemed really frustrated that we brought cornbread instead of crescent rolls. This year, I think I will bring both. Want to help me make them tomorrow?”
The Do’s of Healthy Holiday Stress Management
1. Do Take the Easy Way Out.
It’s okay to press that easy button during the holiday season! If you are out all day for an event, order take-out or pick up a quick pizza for dinner. Choose a few meaningful gifts and do a treasured family activity rather than stress over how many more things you need to get under the tree. Do a babysitting swap with a friend so you both get gifts wrapped in peace. It doesn’t mean less when you choose shortcuts, semi-home-made, or outsourcing. Honest, it doesn’t.
2. Do Be Intentional.
Whether it’s adding an event to the calendar, giving a gift to a special teacher, or baking a favorite holiday treat, choose to be intentional with the time you spend doing it. Figure out your family’s best memories and build on those with purpose in mind. If some traditions are hard to maintain and don’t spur great memories or joy, consider how to strip them down or change them to match your intentions.
3. Do Be Flexible.
For many families, this time of year also means colds, flu, and crazy weather events. It’s challenging. Feeling frustrated and angry is tempting when the unpredictable occurs. Instead, try to be flexible and even look for the silver lining. Yes, Johnny’s terrible head cold means missing the community carol sing. But it can also mean a cozy pajama night with hot cocoa and extra time to get refreshed.
4. Do Give Together.
These are hard times for many families right now. Are there donation drives happening at school? Is the local food bank looking for volunteers to pack groceries? Does your local pet shelter need blankets for the cold weather? When you all work together on a common purpose, you build unity and your family’s identity.
5. Do Have Fun Together.
Laughter and mutual joy can be an extra strength glue that holds you all together even when the holidays’ crazy pace seems intent on making you all stressed and overwhelmed. Schedule a family movie night to watch your favorite holiday comedy. Or play holiday-themed games together. Tell funny family stories and share your happiest memories while driving around to look at holiday lights. Whatever spells F-U-N to your family, do it, and do it often!
Prioritize Connection This Holiday Season
The holiday season can be stressful and even painful for many families like yours. When you manage stress well and focus on healthy connections within your family, you can thrive together and make memories worth treasuring for years.