A child who had prenatal exposure to drugs or alcohol or struggles with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) often struggles to get and stay organized. You probably feel like there is too much chaos getting them out the door to school every morning. That disorganization might result in a messy room, missed school assignments, and forgotten lunches. You can do various activities with this child to help you build the child’s organizational skills in fun, engaging ways. These tips can also help you build safety, trust, and room for growth in your relationship. And a “safe” brain is a brain that can learn the skills essential to navigating life.
5 Practical Tips to Help a Child Learn Organizational Skills
1. Tell all the jokes.
A brain impacted by prenatal exposure to drugs or alcohol or ADHD often takes a bit longer to process language. This child might also struggle to understand spoken or written language’s less obvious or subtle parts. Many of our common conversations could be more straightforward and plainer, so connecting the information can take even more time and experience.
Dad jokes may get a bad rap for being corny, but they can also help encourage these logic and processing skills. In this case, the punnier, the better. (We’re sorry. We had to.)
For example, try some “dad jokes” that play with words, like these:
- Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii? Or just a low ha?
- I tried to come up with a carpentry joke that woodwork. I think I nailed it but no one saw it.
- My friend told me, “Cheer up. Things could be worse. You could be at the bottom of a deep dark hole full of water… I know he meant well.”
2. Play games together.
Family Game Night might not sound appealing when your grandchild struggles with impulsive behavior and illogical thinking. Board games are a great way to practice those skills, as well as negotiation and compromising. Start with simple games, even ones below your grandchild’s skill level. Your grandchild can work up to the logic, self-control, and emotional regulation needed to make it through a whole game.
When you play these games together, watch what catches and keeps their interest. Find opportunities for quick rewards and play up their successes. Focus on fun, not competition. The ordered nature of board games and card games will add skills like categorizing, analytical thinking, and accepting changes and obstacles. Eventually, it will be fun for them as they gain the confidence to hang in for the whole experience.
3. Work together.
Regularly scheduled workdays can be excellent tools for teaching your grandchild how to plan a project and carry it through to completion. Gather the family for a conversation about the project(s) you have in mind. Brainstorm the parts of the project that go into the finished product. Then put the steps in order together. Model flexibility by accepting that the order of the tasks might change several times before you finalize the list.
Then break the tasks down into manageable parts. Assign who will do which jobs. Ask for ideas on when to take breaks and what a fun break would look like. Take a few minutes to plan a family reward for a job well done at the end of the day.
4. Teach life skills.
Your grandchild will learn helpful structure by using weekly or daily chore charts. Doing tasks around the house that follow specific steps in a particular order will strengthen their brain’s organizational skills. You can assign tasks according to the child’s strengths so they feel a sense of pride and accomplishment. The life skills that go into helping a household run will set them up for success as adults, too.
For example, feeding and watering the pets daily can teach planning, initiation, and emotional regulation skills. But it also teaches the value of taking responsibility to care for another being.
Other vital life skills that will also develop organized, ordered thinking include:
- Doing laundry
- Making their bed
- Setting out clothes for school
- Picking up their toys daily
- Setting and clearing the table
- Washing dishes or loading/unloading the dishwasher
5. Establish simple house rules.
Your grandchild who struggles with organizational skills can get easily frustrated by how often they hear “no,” “stop it,” or “don’t do that in the house!” You probably get tired of saying it, too.
To help solve some of those frustrations, set up basic house rules. Try to frame the rules in positive language. “No shoes in the house” can become “We leave our shoes in the mudroom.” Kids with ADHD or a history of prenatal exposure will need the rules posted prominently in the house. Create visual reminders that you can use to help defuse tensions when you feel a rant coming.
Pair your rules with predictable consequences.
To help your grandchild further develop organizational thinking, think about how you can clearly and consistently enforce your house rules. The enforcement of the rules should be prompt and closely tied to the timing of the broken rule. The consequences for broken rules should be logically related to the infractions.
A practical example:
Your house rule is “We leave our shoes in the mudroom.” Johnny left his shoes on and tracked mud through the kitchen while making his after-school snack. Once you get Johnny to put his shoes back in the mudroom, he needs to sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
The goal is to teach your child that they are responsible for their actions and that actions have consequences, so those close connections are vital.
Make Attachment and Connection the Priority
These tips are rooted in building trust and connection with your grandchild (or nephew or cousin). When this child knows that they can trust you to lead them well, you can teach them logical thinking and organizational skills to help them live productive adult lives. Remember, a safe brain is a brain that can learn!
For more help with teaching organizational skills, check out the articles on this site called “Helping a Disorganized Child Bring Order to their Schoolwork” and “Tips for Raising a Child with Attention Issues.”