When you are helping to raise a child from your family or tribal community, it will help you to learn about the impact of trauma on a child’s developing brain. What you learn might feel overwhelming and troubling when you think about the precious child you have welcomed to your home. But there is good news. You can put protective factors in place that help kids overcome challenging past experiences so they can go on to thrive.
What Are ACEs?
For many years now, doctors, therapists, and social workers have been talking about Adverse Childhood Experiences (also called ACEs). Adverse Childhood Experiences are extremely stressful events that can happen to a child growing up. Common examples of ACEs would be his parents’ divorce, any form of abuse, substance abuse by the adults in the home, or living in a neglectful home.
These traumas are so stressful for the young child that they impact the way his brain develops. As a result of these painful experiences, the child’s physical and emotional health are affected, both in his childhood and as he grows into adulthood.
What Is My Child’s ACE Score?
A child’s ACE score is determined by adding up the number of events he has experienced on the 10-question survey. You can find the survey here. The higher the number of Yes answers, the more likely it is that your grandchild (or family friend or nephew) will experience serious health issues or social development impacts. ACEs occur in all people groups, races, economic brackets, and lifestyles.
You might appreciate this TedTalk by Dr. Nadine Burke-Harris, one of the prominent doctors in the study of ACEs. Her summary in the video helps explain ACEs and how they impact a child’s health and well-being, both short and long-term. You can also check out Aces Too High, a website dedicated to the most recent news and information about ACE scores.
It’s important to remember that the fact that this child has been removed from or lives separate from their parents counts as an adverse childhood event. For children who had traumatic experiences before or after they had to leave their homes, the scores might be even higher. As you are learning about what counts as an adverse childhood experience, you might find it helpful to take the test to learn your own score as well.
High ACE Scores Are NOT Destiny!
As you learn about the ACE scores and impacts, remember that this is just a guideline to help you understand what your grandchild (or cousin or niece) has experienced and how it might impact him. The research on ACEs uncovered links to serious health conditions in those whose ACE scores are high. This is useful information for putting interventions and support in place for the most vulnerable in our communities.
However, we must stress that a child’s high ACE score does not mean their adulthood is automatically doomed. The good news is that you can help your grandchild overcome high ACEs to buffer him against physical illness, and social and emotional health challenges.
7 Protective Factors to Help Kids Overcome High ACEs
There are protective factors – actions you can take and tools you can access – to help your grandchild (or cousin, nephew, or family friend) overcome their history of adverse childhood experiences while you are caring for them.
1. Safe, Stable Nurturing Environment
You can create a safe, warm, and loving home for this child. Think about your house – is it an inviting and a comforting place to call home? Are the relationships inside your home supporting and caring? The tone or culture of the connections between those living in your home can protect this child.
2. The Power of One
Just one positive relationship with a caring adult can be a turning point for a child to learn how to thrive. When you give your grandchild warmth, safety, stability, and support, you can help her overcome the impact of her stressful childhood experiences. Watch this inspiring video on the Power of One in the life of a young person.
3. Clear and Fair Expectations
Make sure this child knows what the boundaries and “house rules” are in your home. Consistently and fairly enforce the rules. Intentionally look for ways to catch him getting it right. You should look for ways to “set him up for success” when he tries to meet those expectations.
4. Consider Professional Help
Counseling, therapy, and support from clergy or social workers can help you and your grandchild work through the challenges you experience from the child’s ACEs. Your time with these professionals should focus on building trust and safety, and giving you both tools to build a healthy relationship.
5. School Involvement
School is, of course, necessary for your grandchild (or cousin or family friend). But even if this child is not getting great grades and succeeding academically, her regular attendance at school can be a protective factor. In school, she is surrounded by caring adults who can support her and look out for her. The routine and structure at school creates a sense of safety, too.
6. Peer Connections
Developing friendships with peers, especially if your grandchild can find a “best friend,” builds a positive self-esteem and counteracts the impacts of earlier trauma. These peer connections are especially crucial for tweens and teens. Joining extracurricular activities (like sports, art clubs, music groups) can also buffer a child from the high ACEs because they are building skills and competence. These activities give them a place to shine while they enjoy fun with friends.
7. Religion and Spirituality
A spiritual life can also be a protective factor for your grandchildren. They can participate in an organized religious community like your local church or learn tribal faith or cultural practices. If organized religion is not for him, teach him to cultivate a general sense of spirituality. When your grandchildren feel like they are part of a “bigger purpose” they will learn how to look beyond his current circumstances.
It’s Not Too Late to Help This Child Overcome High ACEs
No matter how late in childhood your child has come to your home, and even if this child has scored all ten points on the ACEs survey, you have an incredible opportunity to help this child overcome their negative experiences. Your love and support can provide positive experiences that unlock their capacity to recover from those toxic stressors of their past. Together you can change the trajectory of their life.