Many kids struggle to stay focused and attend to tasks. As they grow and learn new organizational skills that work for them, they often grow out of their distractibility. However, struggles with organization and staying on task can typically last much longer for a child who experienced trauma or prenatal exposure to alcohol and drugs.
Put the Struggle in Context
There is a lot of pressure on kids in today’s culture. They must meet high expectations at school. They are required to sit for most of the day in a classroom. There is limited time for downtime or physical activity. After school, they are doing multiple after-school activities that run past the dinner hour, so meals are on the run. Homework gets squeezed in there somehow.
Your grandchild (or nephew or cousin) might also be coping with the circumstances that landed them in your home. They might be missing their parents or siblings. This child might also be trying to cope daily with the impacts of prenatal exposure to alcohol or drugs or trauma they’ve experienced. A lot is going on for your grandchild.
Practical Ideas for Keeping Easily Distractible Kids on Task
1. Slow the pace.
See what you can do to slow your household’s overall pace. Consider how to carve out more time together, so you can find time and space to heal, including how to manage your grandchild’s distractibility. Consider asking yourself these questions.
- Are all these activities necessary for our home right now?
- Do these activities help my grandchild feel connected and secure?
- Do these activities draw us together or send us running in different directions too frequently?
- Are we practicing healthy communication when we feel pressured by our calendar?
2. Get predictable.
Kids who are easily distracted, especially if they have experienced chaos and loss in their early life, need predictability to feel safe. Your days should be routine and structured so they know what comes next. These regular schedules help them understand what is expected of them and help them learn that they can trust you to care for them well.
3. Narrate the day for this child.
If your grandchild is easily distracted, it can help to talk through your routine.
Hmmm. I need to get to the store. I need my cash envelope. I need my coupons. I need my grocery list. Okay. Got it. See you all in an hour.
You can also talk them through their day, offering prompts if they seem stuck.
“When you are done putting on your socks and shoes, what do you think you should do next?”
As you narrate, include simple options occasionally. Choices can be empowering and build their interest in “owning” tasks.
4. Break down the tasks into small steps.
Observe:
Watch out for moments when your grandchild is most easily distracted. Ask yourself a few questions. It might help to write down what you see.
- What events or emotions led to that moment they got off track?
- Are there times of day that are more difficult than others for them? Easier or smoother?
- What are they doing well in those times?
Plan:
Create a plan for your grandchild’s tasks that includes steps they can accomplish and feel successful. If this grandchild is old enough, talk with them about what you see. Ask them where they felt successful and what was a struggle.
Improve:
Ask your grandchild how they can improve the plan for this task. These conversations are critical to helping them overcome distractibility. But they also help your grandchild see themself as strong and capable. Be sure to mention their strengths in this task, so they focus on more than just the struggles.
“Do My Homework” can be broken down into these steps:
- Have a healthy snack and drink
- Get out my school binder
- Review my assignments
- Spend 30 minutes on math homework
- Take a ten-minute break and walk the dog
- Spend 20 minutes on language arts/reading
- Clean up my workspace
- Repack my backpack for tomorrow
When you include “have a snack” in “Do My Homework,” you tell your grandchild that his brain and body need fuel to work properly. This connection between brain and body is a life skill that will help him understand his needs and how to meet them.
5. Make it visual.
Your grandchild who struggles to stay on task needs visual prompts to help him stay focused. There are many tools to help teach your grandchild how to follow a routine or task list. This chart is an example of one resource for younger kids: https://amzn.to/3uRaoPB. You might find apps for a tween or teen at this site: https://parentingteensandtweens.com/organizational-apps-for-teens/
If your easily distracted grandchild does not read well, try a picture schedule or list. It doesn’t have to be artistic or complex. In fact, if using a checklist is a new skill to you all, the simpler, the better to get started.
It might take a few tries to see what works. Put aside the pressure to get it right and focus more on getting to what works. Remember, the process can also provide an excellent example of trying different ways to organize and focus on tasks.
6. Be okay with repetition.
There’s no getting around it: teaching your grandchild to focus and stay on task will feel repetitive. You will have to do a lot of re-directing of this easily distractible child at the beginning. But take heart, the repeated prompting is like those kiddie bumpers in the gutters at a bowling alley. Your grandchild kid is rolling that bowling ball down the lane, and your structures are allowing them to get a strike! Celebrate each pin they knock down, no matter how small. And get ready to do it all again tomorrow.
7. Support transitions.
Your easily distracted grandchild might struggle with transitions from one activity to the next. Support them by offering plenty of verbal warnings that a shift is coming. Try using a clock to reinforce your verbal prompt. Some kids do well if you set a timer. Others feel stressed by that and prefer to track it themselves. No matter how they handle the timing, be sure that your expectations of the transition are clear and predictable in advance.
Try something like this, depending on the age of your grandchild:
- “In ten minutes, you need to put on your coat and walk to the bus stop. Please start cleaning up your Legos now.”
- “In five minutes, we will leave for the bus stop. How are those Legos coming along?”
“Okay, let’s stop cleaning up and get our coats on. We can finish the Legos together after school.”