“Why does the plant need water, Grandma?” “How does that plane stay up in the air?” “What do birds think about when they sleep?”
Does your grandchild (nephew, niece, or cousin) ask these questions? Do you feel frustrated, overwhelmed, or stumped by the many questions they ask you daily? If so, you are not alone! However, understanding the benefits of childlike curiosity can help you better understand how to encourage the children you are raising.
There are Benefits to Childlike Curiosity
In addition to the obvious benefit of learning new information, expressing curiosity about the world around them has several benefits for kids who have experienced loss, neglect, or life with a parent who has a substance abuse disorder. Here are a few to consider:
1. Curiosity can re-build appropriate survival skills.
When your grandchild asks questions about the world around them, it’s often because they take in their surroundings. They try to understand what they see, hear, and perceive. The human brain releases feel-good hormones when it encounters something new. For a child who previously lived in a heightened state of awareness to survive their traumatic experiences, these repeated positive experiences can reset their brains and build age-appropriate brain responses.
2. Curiosity can build confidence.
A child who asks lots of questions is not happy without answers! For kids who have experienced insecurity, uncertainty, or loss, learning how to find the answers to their many questions can empower them. They will feel a sense of confidence about what they learn – ask any kid who has done a deep dive into the diet of a T-Rex. They know what they know, and they are proud of it. They love what they are learning about and want to learn more. It’s a cycle of the best sort.
3. Curiosity can create empathy.
Kids are naturally curious about the people around them. However, when children learn that the people who are supposed to be safe are not trustworthy or secure, they may draw inward and protect themselves by shutting down that natural curiosity. Children who feel safe exploring can start to venture out and learn about the world around them, including the people in their world. When a child learns about how other people live or what foods from different cultures are like, it sparks that curiosity and makes them want to learn more.
Learning about other people’s stories makes a child feel less isolated, lonely, or different. Understanding that the world is made of many different types of people increases their ability to be kind, understanding, and empathetic.
4. Curiosity can improve relationships.
In addition to increased empathy, curiosity helps kids learn how to navigate healthy relationships. Many kids in kinship or relative care have only seen damaging, painful dynamics between adults. Their brains and bodies can heal once they are safe in your home and experience joyful, tender, loving relationships. When you model healthy marriage, fulfilling friendships, and safe connections with other people, they see you take an interest in – and be curious about – other humans. That curiosity is one of the keys to growing ongoing connections. You are showing your grandchild that they matter. They see in real-time that relationships are a back-and-forth proposition of give and take.
5 Tips to Encourage Curiosity in Kids
If you can consider the potential benefits of curiosity and use them as an incentive to help your grandchild continue to heal and thrive, you may want to find practical ways to boost that curiosity. These five tips are a great starting point.
1. READ!
Whether you read to your grandchild (niece or cousin) or designate half an hour every night after dinner as individual reading time, it’s crucial to encourage the habit of reading. Some kids prefer audiobooks; others love graphic novels. Some kids get lost in novels, and some might need persuasion to hang on for 30 minutes. Regardless, try to prioritize a family culture of reading what interests each of you. So, find a good book and curl up!
2. Find new activities to do together.
Engage in baking. Go hiking. Start crocheting. Sign up for dance lessons. The point is to be active, try new things, and do them together. The time you share will spark questions, the activities will likely create opportunities for laughter and memory-making, and you will build their confidence to try the next new thing. You don’t have to break the bank – there are tons of free online learning opportunities.
3. Use curious language.
It’s so tempting to ask yes or no questions or only answer briefly when you are bombarded with their questions. Try to expand your ability to manage all that. Instead, engage in “I wonder” conversations, like, “I wonder what makes that caterpillar green, but that one brown?” Make use of words like “who” and “when” and “how” to create open-ended questions.
And don’t forget to leave room for the ridiculous – both in your questions and your answers. There’s nothing like a little bit of silliness to get other questions flowing, and belly laughs rolling.
Creating this lighthearted space tells this child that you have room for their questions and value how their minds work. This atmosphere will matter greatly to this child when they have more complex, even painful questions. If they know they can ask you anything, they aren’t just curious, they feel safe, and you’ve done your job.
4. Don’t answer right away.
When you are raising a curious kid who asks lots of questions, it’s easy to fall into the habit of mindlessly answering the millionth question of the day. However, train yourself to pause and ask them things like:
- “Hmmmm, I don’t know. Why do you ask?”
- “What do you think the answer might be?”
- “How do you feel about that?”
- “Why do you think that is?”
Prompting them to think more deeply about possible answers and not just rely on you to feed them the information develops their critical thinking skills. It can also build their self-awareness and social-emotional skills. A bonus is that it gives you time to pause and answer more thoughtfully when or if they cannot come up with the answer independently.
5. Let them BE!
In today’s overscheduled, fast-paced, busy culture, curiosity barely has time to spark before we move our kids on to the next thing. Many kids who have experienced trauma or chaos don’t know how to play independently or with other kids. Give them the gift of regular unscheduled time and teach them how to be present if you must.
Let them play outside and make messes. Bring them to the library to learn about what interests them. Take long walks in a forest, sit by the edge of a pond or creek. Visit the nature reserve and let them ask the guides all the questions. Encourage them to be kids, doing kid stuff, including childhood mistakes, accidents, and messes.
Restoring Childhood
Your relative child experienced many challenges before joining your home—things that some adults never endure. When you reframe their incessant questions to beneficial curiosity, you can intentionally foster and repair a crucial part of childhood that they lost. Your home’s safe landing place and nurturing care restore so much of their childhood to them.