Welcoming a grandchild, nephew, or cousin to your home while their parents seek treatment or get back on their feet can be a rewarding and fulfilling experience. After all, you are giving this child a safe space to land when their parents need time to get back on their feet and hopefully resume parenting from a position of strength and healing. However, sharing the role of parenting this child can also be challenging to navigate, especially if the relationship between you and this child’s parents has a problematic history. Shared parenting is also often called co-parenting.
Developing a healthy, functional relationship with this child’s parents is worth the effort you invest because it’s good for the child, their parents, and you, too!
Five Benefits of Co-Parenting
Understandably, when a child has experienced loss, neglect, a parent’s substance abuse disorder, or other chaos, it’s tempting to draw hard boundaries or cut off contact. You want to protect this child from further trauma. But if you (and your partner if you have one) can intentionally work toward a balance of shared care and keep the child’s best interests at the core of all you do, you can experience many benefits for all parties involved. When co-parenting with kindness, respect, and intention, stress for all parties is reduced, and the child often struggles with fewer behavior issues.
Here are some benefits of co-parenting when raising a relative’s child.
1. Reduced Sense of Divided Loyalties
In a balanced co-parenting relationship, your grandchild (or niece or nephew) is less likely to feel like they must choose between their parent(s) and you.
2. Decreased Stress
When you can partner with this child’s parents in parenting decisions and planning, you can all experience less conflict and stress about contact, visits, legal proceedings, or school events. Less drama will reduce stress for everyone.
3. Smoother Transitions
This child has experienced a lot of changes already. It’s likely they will continue to face significant changes as their parents work through their issues. Whether you move toward permanently raising this child or planning for reunification, co-parenting with intention can pave the way for smoother transitions for this child.
4. Increased Collaboration
When this child’s parents know that you are not “out to get their child,” they will likely be more willing to work with you. They can help their child accept your authority or communicate that they are safe in your care. When the adults in this relationship commit to working together for the child’s best interests, it’s more likely that the child will feel safe to work with you on their behavior or healing process.
5. Opportunities to Model Adult Relationships
Co-parenting with respect, kindness, and consideration for everyone in this relationship will give you plenty of opportunities to model healthy adult relationships for the children. When dynamics get challenging, you can lead the way by showing both the child’s parents and the child how to navigate difficult circumstances.
Co-Parenting Benefits Everyone
While you and this child’s parents figure out a productive co-parenting relationship, it can feel awkward and frustrating. You may even feel triggered, especially if you have a fraught history with the parents. But hang in there and keep trying to move forward with your efforts, even if sometimes you must drop back and regroup to find a new way to approach this relationship. Your relative child deserves to have all the adults in their life on the same page. Co-parenting can support you all toward healing and stability.