When a child has learning challenges, they may receive special support and services through an IEP (individualized educational plan) or 505 plan. These accommodations and resources are unique to this child’s learning style or struggles. They can be a combination of services inside and outside of the classroom. Some kids refuse to comply with these plans, and the frustration of their refusal can be difficult for caregivers and teachers to manage.
Part 1 of this series discussed the value of understanding why a child might refuse their specialized learning plans. Though it might seem cut and dry to you that this is what they need, it is worth understanding their “why.”
Finding Workable Solutions to IEP or 504 Refusal
Of course, a child might refuse to cooperate with their IEP or 504 for many other reasons beyond the several we listed in Part 1. It might take some time to figure out what drives this child to refuse the plan, but it’s worth the work. When you have a handle on their reasons, you can work together on workable solutions to support them. Remember, you need patience and perseverance, but your determination and commitment will make a significant difference.
1. Listen
Learning to listen to this child is a key to understanding why they may struggle with their IEP or 504 plan. They may not have the words to say they feel othered. They may not be able to tell you in their own words why they need an IEP in the first place. For example, you might hear these accommodations are “so stupid” or “that doesn’t help me at all!” When you listen, you can tell that they don’t fully understand why the team wrote the plan that way.
Actively listening to their words and how they say them can provide the clues you need. When you establish a safe space for them to feel seen and heard, you may open the door to an honest conversation that helps you help them. By listening to understand, you tell this child that their feelings matter and that you are taking them seriously.
2. Communicate
When preparing for the IEP or 504, this child should know what you are doing and why. For example, if this child has a diagnosis that impacts learning and their classroom experience, tell them that. Talk in age and stage-appropriate ways. Depending on their understanding, you can name the diagnosis and the specific support that will set them up to succeed.
Open communication will make this child feel heard and understood. You will build trust and connection that says you are with them, and they can rely on you.
For example, use simple explanations in early elementary school.
“I am meeting with your teachers to make sure you have everything you need to learn how to read. ADHD can sometimes make reading hard, so we are working on tools to help you.”
At the later elementary or middle school level, you can say,
“I’m meeting with your reading specialist to review your goals and identify the needs from your benchmark testing. They have suggestions to support kids with ADHD. Do you have any suggestions for what works here at home when you are reading a book?”
And in the later middle school or high school stage, you might try this:
“You are invited to this IEP planning meeting. Would you like to join us to talk about what study habits they can support better? Do you have any specific reading strategies that work well for you this year? I’m sure they’d love to hear from you.”
Keeping the communication open, transparent, and consistent tells this child that you are committed to their success. However, it’s also a good idea to keep your conversations concise. These kids want almost no fuss made over them and their schooling needs. They also have minimal tolerance for lengthy descriptions and details. Knowing you advocate for them with their needs and wishes is often enough for them.
3. Seek Buy-In
No matter your child’s age or understanding of their learning differences, getting them to comply with an IEP or 504 will be easier if they feel ownership in the process. While you are the primary voice in the early elementary years, gaining their buy-in as they grow is essential. They should also learn about the resources to meet their needs as they understand their needs. Continuing to identify their challenges and communicating about the support plan will help them gain ownership and desire to participate more fully.
4. Teach Self-Advocacy
When a child struggles to learn, or with the type of support they get at school, they may behave in challenging ways. Talking about those challenging behaviors in the classroom can help you show them the connections between their struggles and their unmet needs. Try to narrate their struggle by making observations about their behavior. Hearing it out loud can help them connect their frustrations with their needs. Identifying and labeling those feelings is a significant first step in teaching self-advocacy.
Another vital step in self-advocacy is teaching them to speak up to get the right help. As this child finds their voice, teach them to apply it to their school setting. Try these ideas in age and stage-appropriate ways:
- Write out easy scripts to ask for modifications a teacher might have missed or forgotten.
- Help them write an email to the teacher for help. (Now that most students have their teachers’ school email addresses, this process can be significantly less stressful for middle and high school students.)
For example, you might ask a 2nd grader,
“That sounds frustrating. Would you like to talk to the teacher about how hard it is to write your own flashcards? Or would you like me to talk to her?”
However, when this child struggles in 9th grade, it might be time for the student to manage it.
“That does sound frustrating. What would you like to do about it? Do you need help brainstorming some options? I’m happy to help you write an email if you want.”
Prioritize Connection over Compliance
It’s easy to feel afraid or anxious when you realize your grandchild or nephew is not cooperating with the IEP or 504 created for them. You know it’s a path to success in the classroom, but this child doesn’t see the bigger picture you can see. Differing opinions on this issue can create clashes at home and school. Butting heads with the student over the plan will not get either of you very far. When you approach the dilemma by prioritizing your connection, you can gain their trust and even get them to comply with the learning plan.
Listening to this child’s concerns, communicating openly with them, and equipping them to find their voice to advocate for themselves can pave the way toward compliance. Even if they never gain a more open-minded view of their IEP or 504, you’ve told them that you value them and are willing to work hard with them to set them up for success.
For more resources and help with IEPs, 504s, and school support, check out Understood.org.