When raising kids who have experienced loss, chaos, or neglect, it’s easy to get lost in the responsibility of helping them heal. Structure, routine, and predictability are essential to creating a foundation for that healing. But sometimes, we forget that good old-fashioned fun is also crucial for healing. The good news is that family fun is also an excellent tool for building safety and trust between you and your grandchild (or niece or cousin).
Ideas for Traditions that Bring Fun and Connection
You can pair fun activities with predictability to create traditions your family will cherish for years. Here are a few suggestions to try.
Cook together.
Being able to cook for oneself is a crucial life skill. You can set your grandchild up for success and have fun together when you bring them into the kitchen. Start simple, teaching them how to make eggs or breakfast sandwiches. As they gain confidence, tease out their creativity and have fun with it. Focus on the possibilities, take mistakes in stride, and model resilience by remaining light-hearted and gentle as you learn together.
Family fashion shows.
Every family must tackle changing wardrobes for the seasons or growth spurts. This project can be stressful for you and the kids for many reasons. Diffuse the tension by creating a space for fun. Grab a few random articles of clothing and challenge the kids to see how many complete outfits they can make. Or move the furniture and create a runway for them to model new school clothes, dance class costumes, or the clothes they outgrew into this year. Put on fun music, narrate their strut down the runway, and strike a pose together. Participate by donning your own crazy outfits or poses.
Dance party.
Choose an upbeat “hype” song, and every time you hear it, stop everything and dance! Even if it starts out that you are the only one dancing, go for it. Get the littles involved and encourage them to draw the big kids in, too. Some families save this only for car dancing. Others keep it in the kitchen. Whatever works for your family to engage, laugh together, and blow off some steam, do it.
An alternative is to spontaneously declare, “Dance Party!” and start dancing (with or without music). This version is beneficial for breaking moods and re-setting the household tone when it’s been a rough day or someone feels disconnected or disgruntled.
Seasonal walks.
The great big outdoors is an excellent re-setter for moods, too. Take a family walk together and focus attention on the season you are in. If it’s fall, create a leaf-collecting challenge. Take turns spotting new growth, buds, and blooms in the spring. During the summer months, listen for bird calls. Winter walks are perfect for tracking animal prints, snowball-throwing competitions, or angel-making while you walk.
Read together.
Research shows that reading to our kids is excellent for their academic skills. However, reading together is also a wonderful connection point. Choose a book that engages their interest and set aside 30 minutes every night to enjoy the adventure together. If you are raising very young children, read with different voices for the characters. Build excitement for your time together by leaving the story on a cliffhanger for the night. They can take turns reading to build their skills when they are old enough.
Take up a hobby.
Consider your grandchild’s skills and creativity, and look for a hobby you can learn together to build those skills. There are many online tutorials for playing guitar, origami (paper folding art), watercolor painting, crocheting, or anything else your grandchild might want to learn. Try a few to figure out what will stick.
Reduce any pressure to be perfect by practicing with them and showing them how to handle mistakes or failures. Build their resilience by trying again later and praise every effort they make. The confidence of learning a new skill, time together, and safety to try and try again will be excellent for your relationship.
Family nights.
Once a week, have a designated night you gather for something fun together. You can have a weekly Family Movie Night or rotate among activities like Game Night, Spa Night, Family Dinner, etc. Choose a schedule that suits your family’s calendar and meets the needs of all ages represented in the household. Suppose some of you must compromise your preferences to meet everyone’s interests. In that case, it’s excellent practice for interacting with others outside the home!
Keep Your Goal in Mind
Whatever activity your family focuses on, remember that the goal is to create an environment where connection can flourish. These events are not the time to correct or critique your grandchild’s choices. If they are engaging in unsafe behavior, address that quickly and simply. Let other stuff go for the time you’ve set aside for fun. Laughing together and making happy memories can create a safe space where re-directing and correcting can be received another time.
Often, allowing ourselves to look silly and even embarrassing opens the floodgates for our kids to let their guard down and have ridiculous fun too. When you see that moment occur, you’ve hit the sweet spot! Your connection can deepen with this child, and your relationship can thrive through the rest of the week’s challenging times.