Raising your nephew, cousin, or grandchild can be a fantastic opportunity to support your extended family. You are providing a safe landing place for this child while their parents get back on their feet. The child is experiencing the emotional and physical safety, love, and healthy relationships that all children deserve. However, you also feel the change of routine and responsibility in your bones. Exhaustion, like you haven’t experienced since you were a new parent of your own kids, has you dragging! Don’t worry. You aren’t alone – many family members who take in grandchildren or other relatives after raising their own families feel the same way. Do you have adequate help to carry this new load of responsibility?
Buffer Yourself Against Burnout
When you are supporting a child impacted by loss, chaos, or neglect, your whole person is involved. Carrying the weight of this child’s pain is physically draining and emotionally and mentally challenging. You are likely on a new routine, managing difficult emotions, handling school struggles, and re-directing behavior all day. Being “on” like this leaves little time to keep up with your hobbies. You might even find that your daily exercise and healthy eating habits have disappeared. Again, you aren’t alone – many family caregivers struggle to survive.
It’s critical to recognize that you are at risk for burnout if you continue solely focusing on this child and their needs. You need — and deserve — the benefits of a robust support network to help you navigate this season of your life. A strong team of supportive friends, family, and professionals is a buffer that prevents burnout.
Support Networks Come In a Variety of Shapes and Sizes
While you might not know right now what type of support will best serve you and help you avoid caregiver burnout, you can explore a few and even cobble together a network that is uniquely suited for your family. Here are a few examples of supportive networks.
Rally Your Friends to Walk with You
Are you privileged to enjoy a group of friends who are also seasoned caregivers? Excellent! Tap into their wisdom and experiences. Whether they’ve helped raise a family member, cared for aging parents, or worked as professional caretakers, they understand what you are experiencing. Talk with them about the practical help they can offer you while this child is in your home.
- Can they offer childcare or homework help?
- Is one of them willing to do laundry or yard work?
- Would they help keep your freezer full of quick meals you can pull out on the hard days?
- Are they willing to mentor your grandchild in a hobby or a skill you don’t have?
- Is one of them a particularly wise, compassionate listener?
- Can they include your grandchild in outings to give you a break?
Involve the Child’s Family in Practical Care
Does your grandchild have other safe family members who live nearby? Connecting with them can build a sense of trust and help your grandchild feel anchored into their family culture. Do they participate in tribal community events? Your grandchild might enjoy doing these activities with them.
You can also ask them for the same type of practical help that you seek from friends. As long as you are sure they are safe adults, surrounding this child with people who love them and want the best for them is an excellent way to help them heal. It also offers you a necessary break.
Find an Online or In-Person Caregiver Group
You may know that you aren’t alone in raising this child. Still, you feel isolated and stressed when their challenging behaviors are wearing you down. Parent and caregiver groups can offer a safe place to vent, brainstorm solutions, and learn from others’ experiences. There are many ways to access a group that fits your needs.
1. In-Person Groups
You may be a grandparent, aunt, or other family member who prefers in-person connection for support. It would help if you started with what’s available in your community. Your local library, pediatrician’s office, school counselors, and case workers can be a great source of information about what groups might suit your situation. They are also likely to be able to connect you with other family caregivers in your community. Word-of-mouth recommendations are fantastic ways to plug into supportive networks of other caregivers like you.
2. Online Groups
Social media can be a helpful source of information about how to raise a family member’s child. You can go to any of the social media platforms and search “grandparents raising grandkids,” or “relative caregivers,” or “kinship care” and find lists of articles, podcasts, and conversations about your family. For example, on Facebook, you can join a group to talk with caregivers and extended family members about raising kids impacted by exposure to drugs and alcohol before birth, trauma, or parent loss.
However, you can also use the internet to find more structured caregiver groups that meet regularly to offer support, training, and community support for families like yours. The benefit of online groups is that you can meet in the comfort of your home on any device using apps like Zoom, Google Meet, and others. Try searching for the need you find most challenging, or by any of the terms listed above, and find one that fits your time frame or your access to technology. Local caseworkers, school counselors, or librarians can also be helpful in this search.
Seek Professional Help
Guiding this child toward trust and healing from the challenges that brought them to your home may stir up some complex feelings for you. It would help if you found a safe place to work through these internal struggles and learn new, healthy coping tools. Working with a professional counselor or therapist can be excellent self-care and sets you up to lead yourself and this child to thrive. A counselor or therapist can be just the space you need to offload your difficult emotions safely while the child lives with you. You deserve a safe place to refuel and stay on track to support this child and their parents to heal and reunify.
Protect Your Family By Building Your Network
Caring for a relative’s child impacted by neglect, abuse, or loss can be a mental, emotional, and physical strain on you and your family. Building a solid support network around you while this child is in your home will significantly protect you and your overall health. Taking care of yourself by leaning on these people will help you all get – and stay – healthy!