As we discussed in Part 1 of this article series, it’s common for children with exposure to drugs and alcohol during pregnancy to struggle with inappropriate sexual behaviors. Whether the child acts out in sexually uncomfortable ways or has been a victim of unwanted, inappropriate sexual advances, you can learn how to manage and prevent inappropriate sexual behavior.
Again, we understand this topic is quite uncomfortable for many. It can be tempting to avoid discussing it altogether. However, this child’s safety is at stake. They deserve to learn healthy ways to manage their natural curiosity and urges, protect themselves, and behave in socially appropriate ways.
Tips to Manage and Prevent Inappropriate Sexual Behaviors.
Tip #1: Sexual health education.
Children with prenatal exposure to drugs and alcohol should receive sexual health education targeted to their needs and abilities. The generic sex education at school health classes will likely not meet your grandchild’s needs.
Be factual and specific.
Instead, they must learn about their body and sexuality as young as you can start teaching it to them. Be matter-of-fact, use simple language, and be specific. Please don’t assume that they understand any metaphors or vague descriptions. Instead, use real names for body parts and behaviors. Include specific step-by-step information about personal hygiene, especially for girls, and managing their periods.
This child should hear facts from you, including correcting misinformation they may have heard online or from their peers. Try to give the information in small doses, with open communication, and at a pace they can understand.
Talk about consent.
Teach what it means to give and receive consent. Talk about safe and unsafe touch. To help your messages stick, try role-playing appropriate, positive behaviors. These behaviors might include how to give and receive hugs – and to whom, asking someone out on a date, hanging out as “just friends,” or saying no to sexual advances. Talk specifically about what is and what is not okay.
Be prepared to repeat yourself.
Again, start talking as early as possible and leave the door open for ongoing communication. Repetition is critical to help this child learn the behaviors you want them to grasp. Your goal is to protect them from misbehaving or being victimized throughout their time in your home. Checking in frequently to talk about these topics will show you where they may have gaps in understanding.
If you need help finding the words to get started, try using children’s books such as “Sex is a Funny Word,” “It’s Not the Stork,” or “Wait, What?”
#2: Create a protective space.
Provide close supervision to increase this child’s opportunities for safety. However, as the child grows, don’t supervise so closely that they cannot think for themselves. You don’t want them to become so compliant, obedient, and dependent on you or other adults that they don’t know what to do on their own. When faced with potential safety risks, you want them to feel prepared to respond appropriately.
To help this young person with prenatal exposure cope with sexual urges, desires, and loneliness, suggest healthy alternatives or activities. Help them find clubs, hobbies, exercise, volunteering, and jobs to give them a place to succeed and re-direct inappropriate energy. These are also excellent ways to find and build healthy relationships.
#3: Monitor their media use.
Many situations of a child’s inappropriate sexual behavior or exposure occur online. Closely monitor your grandchild’s online activity. Keep a sharp eye out for exposure to sexually inappropriate materials or engaging in inappropriate conversations online. Learn more about protecting your children and creating a family internet safety plan from these resources:
- 5 Rules of Thumb for Your Family’s Digital Health
- Common Sense Internet Rules for Kids
- Navigating the Internet with Adopted or Foster Tweens and Teens
#4: Support this child if they have been abused.
It’s not uncommon for kids with a history of prenatal exposure to become victims of sexual offenses. If this happens, or if they have experienced sexual abuse previously, seek professional help. Look for a therapist who has experience working with individuals with prenatal substance exposure.
Learn more about helping kids heal from sexual abuse in the article on this site called Helping a Child Cope with the Impacts of Sexual Abuse.
#5: Enhance the protective factors around this child.
Safe adults.
All the safe adults in this young person’s life should understand how crucial they are to protecting this child. The stable home life you offer this child is a buffering factor that protects them from further harm.
Your grandchild’s team of professionals (teachers, counselors, caseworkers, doctors, etc.) should also be aware of the symptoms of prenatal substance exposure and connections to the risks for inappropriate sexual behaviors.
Safe home life.
Do everything you can to keep your home free from conflict and violence. Continuing to educate yourself will give you the skills you need to care for this child’s growing understanding of self and of their sexuality. Gather a team around you to support the entire family, including self-care and respite.
Early diagnosis.
Another protective factor for your grandchild is early diagnosis of prenatal substance exposure or FASD (if applicable). These diagnoses can provide access to the most effective support and services for this child as they grow.
Read more about how to get a diagnosis for fetal alcohol spectrum disorder (FASD) here. You can also gain additional direction and guidance through the FASD Family Navigator program from FASDUnited.org.
Praise them up!
Finally, regardless of this child’s challenging behaviors or mistakes, make a daily effort to praise the positive and the appropriate. Find your loved one’s strengths and look for ways to nurture and celebrate them. Building their self-confidence and resilience significantly protects against inappropriate or dangerous behavior.
The Goal is Safe, Healthy Sexual Expression
Our sexuality is a central aspect of the human experience, as is the need for connection and relationships. Denying this child the opportunities for sexual expression and relationship-building can lead to sensory deprivation, isolation, depression, and other adverse outcomes, including dangerous sexual behavior.
Thoroughly educating and supporting this child with prenatal substance exposure can better prepare them to form meaningful relationships that create space for safe, healthy sexual expression.
These additional resources are reliable and helpful for continuing to learn about the connections between prenatal substance exposure and sexual development:
“Menstruation and Me: A Book for Girls with Intellectual Disabilities”