It’s common for children who were exposed to drugs and alcohol during pregnancy to struggle with inappropriate behaviors. One of the most challenging behaviors you might see in your grandchild is inappropriate sexual behavior. Another painful issue is that children with prenatal substance exposure can be victims of unwanted and inappropriate sexual advances or abuse.
The topic is quite uncomfortable for many. You may be tempted to avoid discussing it. However, research tells us inappropriate sexual behaviors impact about half of adults with fetal alcohol spectrum disorder (FASD). The average age at which these challenging behaviors start is about ten. Children with prenatal substance exposure must learn how to manage their curiosity and urges in healthy ways. They also need to learn how to protect themselves.
What Are Common Inappropriate Sexual Behaviors?
The most common inappropriate sexual behaviors include the following:
Initiating or receiving unwanted sexual advances- Sexual touching
- Multiple sexual partners
- Difficulty managing urges and sexual drive
- Making obscene phone calls
- Self-exposure in public
- Masturbation in public
- Inappropriate sexual relationships and incest
Risky sexual behaviors can result in unwanted pregnancy, abuse, or crimes associated with sexual misconduct.
Understanding how the symptoms of prenatal substance exposure can connect to sexual behaviors will help you prevent unwanted behaviors. You can also use the information to support this child’s healthy expression of sexuality.
Symptoms of Prenatal Exposure That Contribute to Sexual Misbehaviors
#1: Gaps or delays in executive function skills.
Executive function skills are the mental skills that allow us to control thoughts, emotions, inhibitions, and actions. Most children with prenatal substance exposure have gaps in these skills. For example, even as an older teen, your grandchild may think (consciously or unconsciously), “If it feels good, I should do it.”
Gaps in executive function can limit a child’s ability to resist sexual urges. They may not understand the consequences of their actions or cause and effect. They may not be able to connect sexual activity to pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, or emotional damage. To further complicate things, kids with delayed executive function struggle to learn quickly from mistakes.
#2: Increased impulsivity and limited inhibitions.
Impulsivity can also lead your grandchild to have a less measured, thoughtful reaction to sexual feelings. They may have a delayed or missing sense of caution about risky behavior. That delay can lead to exploring sexual relationships too soon or with unsuitable partners. Kids with prenatal exposure are also at higher risk for peer pressure, putting them at a higher risk of being victimized, abused, or exploited.
#3: Developmental immaturity.
Young people with prenatal exposure to drugs or alcohol are often less socially mature than their same-aged peers. They frequently have social behaviors much younger than their peers.
For example, your grandchild may blurt comments without thinking about how others will receive them. A male teen might say out loud, “You have nice boobs,” to a female with whom he has no relationship. His social maturity is lacking because of the damage caused by prenatal exposure.
Another common challenge is misinterpreting social gestures and cues. This same male teen might not understand that his comments are inappropriate. He may then try to interact further. He cannot accurately interpret the female’s facial expressions or body language. He doesn’t understand the distance she tries to put between them.
Additionally, a young person with prenatal exposure usually looks like their actual age. However, their appearance doesn’t match their mental, social, or emotional development. For example, your teen granddaughter may look like a fifteen-year-old. But she thinks and behaves more like a seven-year-old. Her appearance may attract the attention of those much older than she can safely interact with.
#4: Lack of understanding of personal boundaries.
People with a history of prenatal substance exposure are often overly friendly, even with strangers. These children are often literal thinkers who sometimes struggle with interpersonal boundaries, especially those assumed or unspoken. Examples of unspoken boundaries might include facial expressions, body language, or personal space.
They are often unable to interpret someone else’s boundaries. They may appear to be too interested or sexually aggressive because of it. They may also seek sensory and sexual stimulation, which can lead to masturbation at a young age or in public places. But they don’t understand why those behaviors are problematic. Remember, they struggle to learn from mistakes and don’t grasp cause and effect quickly.
#5: Struggles with abstract concepts.
Kids with prenatal exposure often have difficulty with abstract concepts. Some examples are friendships, romantic relationships, personal space, appropriate eye contact, etc. Figuring out where their relationships fit on a range of closeness or degrees of intimacy can be challenging.
For example, a child with prenatal substance exposure might get a smile from an acquaintance and misinterpret it as an invitation to hug the person. They may misinterpret friendliness from strangers as sexual interest.
Grasping These Connections Will Support Your Grandchild
When you can connect the symptoms of prenatal substance exposure (to drugs or alcohol) to your loved one’s behaviors, you can better help them learn new behaviors. Just as you support them in school with tools for academic progress, you can offer them tools that support healthy sexual expression as they grow.
Sexual development, while an uncomfortable topic for many adults, is a normal part of a child’s experience. Your grandchild deserves factual information and tools to address their questions and interests.
To learn how you can support a child to prevent unwanted or inappropriate sexual behaviors, see Part 2 of this resource.