When raising your grandchild or another loved one’s child, it’s easy to get lost in the weight of daily work. You are overseeing homework, monitoring screen time, holding the reins of this child’s daily schedule, and much more. However, sometimes, it helps to remember why you are doing all of this – especially if you have already raised your own kids and parenting again has come to you unexpectedly. Connecting with why it matters that you are choosing to welcome this child to your home can help you dig in when the days feel like too much.
Here’s Why Raising Your Grandchild Matters
When a child cannot live safely with parents, growing up in the care of a relative or close family friend has several benefits for their childhood.
1. For the child’s mental and emotional health.
The stability and structured home life you are offering your grandchild offers them an opportunity to feel safe. When a child feels safe, they feel more positive about themselves and even about their life circumstances. Feeling safe also helps a child learn – at school and at home. Your presence and support give them the sense of predictability their brains need so that they can find room and space to grow.
2. For the child’s behavioral struggles.
Again, living in a safe space leaves a child open to learning new ways to cope with worry or stress. This sense of safety means they can be free to learn how to express their fears differently, so they can behave in more appropriate ways. As challenging as this child’s experiences were in their parent’s home, your safe space allows them to overcome those challenges with new skills for managing them.
3. For the child’s trauma.
Your grandchild has come to live with you because they have already faced several painful experiences. They may have endured abuse, neglect, or chaos that required them to come to live with you. And leaving that chaos is necessary, even for a short time.
But they also lost the familiarity of their beds, playing with their friends, family pets, school, teachers, and much more. These losses are additional traumas that are hard for little hearts to bear.
Coming to live with you, a trusted family member (or close family friend) helps to reduce that trauma for the child. It brings comfort and a sense of safety to the child when they can live with someone who knows their family and circumstances. Even familiarity with the layout of your house can reduce the trauma this child experiences during the transition from their home to yours.
4. For sibling relationships.
Sadly, many kids who cannot live at home also lose connection with their siblings. When your grandchildren come to your home as a sibling group, you are offering them a buffer for the relationships between them. Siblings are often our first and longest-lasting friendships. Bringing these kids to your home together gives them both the daily connection they need and the opportunity for long-term relationships even after they’ve grown to adulthood. Even if you cannot care for all of the siblings, you can provide opportunities for the children to stay connected to their siblings because you are part of their larger family unit.
5. For older kids transitioning to adulthood.
Maintaining a relationship with your grandchild through the teen years can help them navigate their transition to adulthood. They benefit from your ongoing support, advice, and watching you carry out adult tasks. Learning life skills from an adult they trust can build their confidence to try this new stage of life – especially if they know they have a safe landing place when they are struggling.
6. For the child’s connection to their culture and community.
A child’s identity must be anchored into a larger cultural community so they can learn about and maintain their customs. Being part of an extensive family network is crucial to understanding who they are in the context of who their family is. Raising your grandchild with a solid attachment to your tribal community also helps them see that they are part of something bigger than themselves.
The Benefits Aren’t Just for the Child!
You will likely find several benefits to bringing this child home to live with you. Many grandparents and relative caregivers report that their grandchildren fill the house with laughter, fun, and excitement. They also find joy in the opportunity to be a significant part of their grandchildren’s healing journey. And finally, many express that they sincerely appreciate the chance to try again to impact a child’s life and guide them to adulthood. It can be fulfilling and satisfying to have that kind of influence on a child you love.