School’s out for summer for most kids in this part of the country. You might have plans for a family trip, a staycation, or day trips to the local sites with your grandchildren. Those events are exciting to look forward to and create opportunities for memory-making. However, kids who have experienced grief, loss, or chaos frequently struggle with significant changes in routine and structure. Moving from a regimented school routine to less structured, lazy summer days can be overwhelming and unsettling for them.
Why Summer Break May Be Hard for Kids
Your grandkids might be looking forward to sleeping in, playing video games, and having late-night hangouts with friends. However, they might be overwhelmed once the daily reality of unscheduled time hits them. They might also feel insecure about what’s coming next and where they fit into the new routine of the day. Often, the root of that overwhelm is a fear of change.
Additionally, when a child has a history of trauma or prenatal exposure to alcohol or drugs, they might not recognize the unease inside or have the words to tell you of their anxiety. Challenging behaviors come out when fear sets in.
Routine is Your Friend – Even in the Summer!
These tips will help you understand your grandchild’s struggles to adapt to the changes. Kids who struggle with a lack of structure, input overload, or anxiety and fear about the changing routine will benefit from these preparations. You can use the information here to help you manage your expectations and lead the kids to manage them too.
Tips to Survive Summer Break
1. Acknowledge that change is hard.
Talk with your grandchildren, nieces, cousins, or any kids staying with you this summer. Acknowledge that any change, even for something fun like summer break, is hard for everyone.
For example:
“Your daily routine during the school year is well-structured. Summer feels exciting but uncertain, too. We’re going to work together to manage the change so we all enjoy the break.”
2. Create a transition day or two.
Mark the school year’s end on your family calendar and add a transition day or two. Then note your household’s starting point for summer break.
For example:
“School ends on June 1. You can all have June 2 and 3 as “nothing days.” We won’t have any appointments, chores, or wake-up times. When our “nothing days” are over, we’ll start a new summer schedule.”
3. Join the kids in downtime.
Consider freeing up some time to enjoy the fun of these “nothing days.” When you relax with the kids, you can reinforce the messages of how to rest and re-set after a stressful season by narrating your relaxing activities.
For example:
“I’m going to sit on this park bench and read a book while you play on the swings. It feels so good to rest my mind with a good book.”
4. Set up a new routine.
Be very intentional about setting a new routine for your grandchildren’s summer days. Even if it’s a more relaxed schedule, a routine is crucial to their sense of security and safety, especially if this is the first summer they’ve lived with you. Depending on their ages, consider gaining their input on how to set up their days. You’ll get better ownership if they feel like their voice was included.
Consider picture schedules for your little ones who aren’t yet reading, and think about how they can resemble their school routines. Whether you post the plan on the refrigerator or tack it up on the wall, a routine gives your grandkids a sense of boundary that helps them feel safe. They know what to expect and feel they can rely on it like they do the daily school routines.
Communicate clearly when this routine will start – before your “nothing days” and again as those days end. Ask if they have any questions about the new schedule.
5. Offer grace and time for the new routine to take hold.
Please be sure the kids know there will be time, grace, and space for everyone to find footing with this new summer schedule. While you want to keep the routine structured, you also want to build downtime into their days. Kids who have experienced abuse, neglect, prenatal substance exposure, or other challenges need plenty of rest to keep healing. Remember to include healthy snacking and hydration, too!
6. Create summertime traditions.
Whether in your weekly schedule or more extensive summer planning, include events your family can count on each year. The kids need to be able to count on some favorites that reinforce security and predictability.
For example:
- Tuesday is Library Day
- Wednesday is Invite a Friend Day
- Picnics in the park every Saturday evening
- Family movie or game night
- Smores parties on Fridays
Ask the kids for ideas of what they’d like to do weekly. The bonus is that you are giving them a voice and sharing control, which makes them feel safe and cared for.
7. Pair up the kids for extra supervision and care.
When raising several ages in one family, a buddy system can help you keep an eye on everyone. It’s also a great way to build trust and reinforce that they are safe in your care – especially on days when the schedule is different or activities are new.
For example:
You are taking a day trip to the state park. Playing in the shallow water makes your youngest grandchild nervous. Tell the kids how important it is to count on each other for fun and safety. Assign your oldest grandchild or nephew to be their buddy for the day. Assure them that you will be diligent in watching them but that they will help each other too.
The bonus of buddying up the kids is reinforcing teamwork and cooperation between them.
Use What You Already Know
The start of summer break is usually a welcome change for families with school-age children. While the difference might be hard for your grandkids, it’s also a chance to help them learn how to manage transitions and expectations. The lessons you learned during the school year can be applied to setting up a routine and structure for your summer schedule. Supporting your grandkids with a plan that balances structure with fun and rest sets them up for success. You can survive and even thrive over summer break.