When you first took in your grandkids (or other loved one), you may have done it because it was “the right thing to do.” The kids didn’t do anything to deserve this, and family cares for family. But it still feels hard. It might help to focus on the significant benefits that raising this child provides the child…and you.
The Benefits of Raising Your Grandchild or Other Relative
Raising a child after you’ve already raised your family is not something you had planned for this stage of life. It requires a lot of shifting and adjusting on your part. It’s easy to feel frustrated and overwhelmed, but there are also reasons to feel grateful. Here are a few benefits you and your grandchild might experience.
1. Familiarity.
When your grandchild comes to live with you, they experience loss. Yes, it’s likely a better place for them to be, but it comes with a lot of losses, including:
- Daily connection to parents or siblings
- Friendships in school or the neighborhood
- Familiar places like their bedroom, school, neighborhood playgrounds
- Pets
- Teachers, neighbors, coaches
Those losses take a toll on this child’s mental and emotional health. Coming to live with you reduces some of these losses. You provide familiarity. You know who they are missing. You can make sure that they see their parents, pets, and best friend. You may have taken in the siblings, but if not, you can make sure the child sees them. If the child had been placed with a non-family member, they would miss the comfort of living with someone who knows where they come from and what they are missing.
2. Improved behavior.
Children and youth often act out in challenging ways when they feel shaken by being separated from their parents and their home. Offering them a safe place to land allows them to feel safe and secure, which can lead to improved behavior. A structured and predictable home gives the child space to be a kid, learn life skills, and build trust with the adults in their life.
3. Improving mental health.
It is often said that it only takes one caring adult to make a difference in a child’s life. Taking your loved one into your home where they feel cherished can increase their self-esteem. Meeting their physical and emotional needs can help improve the mental health struggles common for a child who has experienced trauma and loss. When the child feels safe, loved, and able to trust, they often feel less anxious, stressed, or lonely. Their brain can be more focused and ready to learn, boosting their chances of success in school.
4. Reducing worry for you.
Grandparents tell us that the best thing about raising their grandkids is knowing that they are safe! Before they came to you, you were likely worried about them all the time. That level of anxiety isn’t good for your mental or physical health. While it might be a lot of extra work to have your grandchildren living with you, you don’t have to worry about their safety.
You might be swapping those worries for different concerns, like how you will keep up with them or what support they need to get through this. But when you see the kids healthy and thriving in your care, you can feel more confident about how to keep caring for them.
4. Staying connected to siblings.
It’s common for caretakers or relatives like you to take all the kids when their parents cannot care for the family. Some kinship caregivers take in half-siblings because they are family to the child. While it is more work, keeping siblings together can also be significantly helpful to the children’s health and well-being.
Siblings are often our first and longest friendships.
Siblings provide a sense of continuity and a built-in safety net. They may drive each other crazy with their rivalry, but the underlying familiarity and connection are vital to the children’s success in this challenging season.
Even if you can’t keep all the siblings together in your home, you can ensure they get together as often as possible. This is good for the kids but also good for you because connected, secure kids are easier to raise.
5. Supporting teens.
The teen years are challenging! Their bodies and emotions are going through huge changes and they want to be more independent. The difficulty increases when their whole life is turned topsy-turvy by being leaving their home.
Staying connected to you or other supportive family members is crucial to help them navigate these challenges. You have stepped up to be that one caring adult to help this teen. Your presence and wisdom can make a difference when you model healthy relationships, independence, and other critical life skills.
6. Keeping kids connected to tribal culture and community.
Research shows that strong family and cultural connections are foundational to a healthy identity. Bringing your loved ones home to live with you helps keep the kids connected to their cultural identity. Kids surrounded by safe, loving friends and extended family are likelier to try and maintain their traditions and customs. Those connections are crucial buffers for kids to prevent struggles like isolation, anxiety, or depression.
Kids with a strong sense of belonging to their larger community or culture also have healthier relationships as they venture into adulthood. The opportunities to teach traditions and culture can create bonds between you. You can also experience the joy and pride of connecting the next generation to their heritage.
7. Commitment for the long haul.
Grandparents, aunts, and uncles are more likely than unrelated foster caregivers to be committed to caring for these kids long-term if needed. Taking them into your home demonstrates your commitment to your family and the larger community. Even if it takes a while, you are more likely to move heaven and earth to help them succeed. This long-term view is helpful for kids who need that predictability and consistency. It also gives your days a sense of purpose and meaning as you support the child’s parents to heal and find stability.
Sources:
Kinship Care is Better for Children and Families, https://www.americanbar.org/groups/public_interest/child_law/resources/child_law_practiceonline/child_law_practice/vol-36/july-aug-2017/kinship-care-is-better-for-children-and-families/, July 2017
Kinship foster care for children in the child welfare system, https://www.countyhealthrankings.org/take-action-to-improve-health/what-works-for-health/strategies/kinship-foster-care-for-children-in-the-child-welfare-system, March 26, 2018