It’s challenging to raise your grandchild (or other loved one) in today’s world. Your grandchild’s early life experiences can make your role in their life feel overwhelming. The impacts of their trauma or prenatal exposure to drugs or alcohol can create many obstacles for these young people. Several practical things you can start doing today will help your grandchild feel successful. You can encourage them in other areas when they get a taste for achievement.
Work with their Natural Development
As your grandchild grows, they will naturally seek more independence. Look at their current responsibilities and skills to consider what tools would help them move further on that path. You might have to support this child differently because of the impacts of trauma, loss, or early life hard experiences. However, there are practical ways to help them build valuable life skills successfully.
Consider these strategies and how you can apply them in your routine. Look at your grandchild’s current abilities, skills, and needs to help you figure out which might work for you.
1. Look for Their Gifts and Talents
What unique skills and talents does your grandchild have? Are they using them? Your goal is to identify their gifts and help them develop their talents. You want to expand their opportunities and give them a place to shine. Having a skill or talent can develop confidence and spark a love for learning more about that skill. The love of learning is an excellent building block for other areas of life.
For example, if your grandchild is musically talented, sign them up for instrument lessons or music theory. Learning something they love encourages them to improve their study skills and offers opportunities for social interactions. They might also learn better time management to find time for the thing they love.
If you have a young person who loves animals, give them responsibility for the family pets. Help them find a volunteer position at the local pet shelter. They can learn personal responsibility, teamwork, and task management. These roles can also improve their skills of empathy and nurture.
Every child has unique skills or talents that make them precious and worthy of these investments. Helping your grandchild find their niche can also improve the bond between you and communicate how much you value them.
2. Stay Curious
What makes this child tick? Ask yourself questions to help you focus on their abilities and gifts as they grow. Consider how their early life experiences of loss, chaotic home life, or prenatal exposure to drugs or alcohol impact their actions and reactions. You are modeling the life skill of curiosity when you choose to approach them this way.
Teach your grandchild to ask these questions about themselves, too. Start conversations to help them think more deeply about themselves. For example:
“I wonder what made you take notes on the doctor’s suggestions for how to care for Boots at the vet today. I bet it was your concern for Boots and your desire to learn how to take care of him better.”
You can build strong trust and confidence between you through your example and your conversations that invite give-and-take.
“Success is built on staying curious about the person and building a relationship of trust that is about working with the person, rather than at them.” ~ Supporting Success for Adults with FASD
3. Your Words Matter
Kids with a history of loss or exposure to alcohol or drugs during pregnancy often struggle to process language and interpret meaning. Try these suggestions to help your grandchild process what he hears so he can act appropriately.
- Keep conversations short and precise.
- Use straightforward language without fancy words or figures of speech.
- Limit the choices offered. Frame the options positively.
- Be consistent and predictable in communication.
- Be okay with regular reminders of simple daily tasks.
- Speak to their level of understanding, even if they are older than that level.
- Be respectful and patient with their progress.
- Remember that growth is only sometimes a straightforward path. More often it’s three steps forward and two steps back.
4. The Environment Makes a Difference
A chaotic space at home can make your grandchild feel out of control. This feeling impacts how they process conversations or tasks. For a kid who struggles with organization, it’s vital to have a structured routine they can predict. It’s also helpful to make your home free of clutter. Think “less is more” especially in the sleeping and homework spaces.
Overstimulation can cause anxiety, meltdowns, and stress. You can reduce the risk of overstimulation in these ways:
- Create checklists together for simple daily tasks. Teach them how to use them.
- Train yourselves to return objects to their proper place each time.
- Label drawers and closets. If that isn’t possible, keep clutter behind a curtain or closed doors.
- Simplify living spaces by considering the lighting, colors, sounds, smells, textures, and even decorations.
5. Think About Safety Nets
Kids who have had prenatal exposure or a history of trauma often struggle to make sound decisions or understand cause and effect. They might also be more vulnerable to peer pressure. You need to think about how to keep them safe.
Talk with a caseworker or school counselor to identify areas of concern. These plans often include educational professionals, therapists, and other care providers who work with you to provide proper supervision and guidance. For example, talk about plans to develop decision-making skills. These formal safeguards can keep your grandchild safe and surrounded by positive influences.
Informal safety nets are also critical. Relationships in your tribal community offer opportunities for your grandchild to learn social skills. School or family friends offer connection, accountability, and emotional outlets. They also provide much-needed fun for you and your grandchild. Ask yourself:
- Who are their friends? How can I encourage those friendships?
- What local opportunities will give them a place to serve and connect?
- Does this child have a “safe space” other than home to grow their social skills and friendships?
- How can I teach them to build a good support network as they increase in independence?
It Comes Down to Relationship
As you help your grandchild navigate the impacts of their early life experiences, remember there is great potential for success. Their start to life might have been challenging. But you can equip them to learn healthy life skills to set them up for successful independence. The trust and confidence you build between you are foundational to guiding him toward that success.
For more information on helping kids with prenatal exposure prepare for adulthood, check out Supporting Success for Adults with FASD.
For help preparing kids with other challenges for adulthood, check out the article on this site, Preparing Teens with Cognitive Delays for Adulthood.