Successfully welcoming a grandchild or other relative’s child to your home for kinship care requires some preparation and ongoing support. If you’re raising a relative’s child right now, or if you know a child is joining your home soon, these tips can help make that transition smoother and daily life together easier for you all.
Tips to Ease the Transition When Welcoming a New Child
1. Start Learning and Keep at It
Caring for your grandchild or other loved one means parenting this child differently than you may have raised your own child. It’s not worse and not better, but it is different. Raising a relative’s child means that you need to understand your changing role in this child’s life, learn about this child’s unique needs, and learn how to help them heal. Learn all you can about trauma and how it impacts a child’s brain and behavior. Learn about prenatal substance exposure by reading related articles on this site. Attend free webinars and training sessions to help you learn new parenting tools for coping with this child’s challenges.
2. The Child Comes First
As challenging as it is, focus on the child and what’s in their best interest. It’s easier said than done, especially when other family members are involved. However, as you figure out what this child needs from you and what works to help them start to trust you, you will see them begin to heal. Keeping the child’s best interests at the center of family conversations or discussions with a caseworker is a beautiful way to build the child’s trust in you. And it can be a unifying purpose for all adults in their life to pursue.
3. Consider Family Dynamics
If you have children already living in your home, learn about the issues common to blending children by birth and children who join your family later. This information will help you prepare them for the changes. It is critical to remember to help the children already in your home feel supported and safe in their role in your family, especially if the new child is close in age.
For grandparents welcoming a grandchild, consider how your role in this child’s life should change. If you can talk with your adult child about their role while your grandchild stays in your home, it will help you all move forward with understanding. Ensure that your adult child knows your goal is to give this child a safe space and help them thrive with you.
Remember that this new caregiving role will impact extended family too. Talk with each other about the changes you anticipate. Offer much grace and patience to each other as the new dynamics unfold.
4. Seek Professional Help Sooner than Later
It’s always helpful to seek the support of a counselor, therapist, or faith leader to help you and your loved ones navigate all these changes. You might find that your grandchild benefits from a safe place to unload all their questions and feelings outside your home. They might find comfort and trust with a coach, trusted mentor, or youth group leader. Encourage safe, healthy relationships that provide sound advice for your young person. A counselor or therapist can also offer new coping tools for all that you are experiencing in this new role.
5. Do Your Research
Learn about the resources available in your community for kinship providers. Here are several national organizations dedicated to supporting and guiding kinship caregivers like you:
If your relative child is being followed by the child welfare system in your county or state, ask the caseworker for all the resources they can offer. Seek recommendations from other kinship providers around you. Ask the local school district for leads on reliable organizations in your region.
6. Don’t Try to Do This Alone!
Kinship caregiving is a long, challenging journey. Indeed, there are joys and rewards to the experience. But you cannot do this hard work alone – nor should you. Get your family members on board for practical help and childcare. Check with your local faith community to see if folks are willing to help with meals, yard work, or housekeeping – even if it’s only for the early days of the new placement.
If you can’t afford a babysitter on your own, ask your caseworker or extended family for help so you can get a break once or twice a month to recharge.
7. Establish A Self-Care Routine.
Your kinship child depends on you, and you deserve to be healthy. It will help if you care for your mental, emotional, and physical health. Plan a small, refreshing activity to look forward to every day. But also try to engage in more significant activities and hobbies that refuel your sense of purpose and intention while caring for this child.