The Tween and Teen Brain Is Growing Rapidly!
During adolescence, your young loved one is experiencing tremendous growth and change in their body and brain. Did you know that in the tween and teen years, the brain focuses on creating connections between its different parts to communicate together for the functions needed for adulthood? These connections will help your grandchild turn their thoughts, feelings, and experiences into actions. During these years, their brains are very flexible while working out what information must be taken in, sorted, and used to develop judgment, decision-making, and reasoning skills.
When a child has experienced loss, chaos, or similar trauma, their brains need extra support and care to continue growing and healing. There are many practical things you can do to support their brain development in this season of their lives.
Brain Growth is Uneven in the Tween and Teen Years
Your grandchild or nephew might be experiencing big emotions or feeling overwhelmed by the information they take in because some parts of their brain develop at different rates than others. For example, the adolescent brain’s emotional centers develop more quickly. They might feel their emotions more strongly than they can logically understand. The reasoning portions of their brain function grow slower, so it often feels like tweens and teens are emotion-driven.
Nurturing Your Grandchild’s Brain Development
1. Prioritize Healthy Sleep
It’s easy during the tween and teen years to let them stay up late for homework, socializing, or part-time jobs. However, it’s critical to remember that most young people need as much sleep as toddlers for their brains to heal and refresh from the rapid growth and input they experience all day.
Help your young person develop good nighttime routines and habits. Remember that digital devices can negatively impact the brain’s ability to slow down and rest, so electronics should be removed from the bedrooms before lights out. Here are a few other ideas to help create a good bedtime routine:
- Quit all electronics one hour before bed.
- Create a dark, quiet sleeping space.
- Offer soothing background noise (peaceful music, white or brown noise, etc.).
- Suggest a warm shower.
- Let them read a book.
2. Work Toward a Balanced Diet
The human brain is nourished by a well-balanced diet. Tweens and teens who have joined your home after experiencing chaos or loss have an increased need for healthy foods to help heal their brains and bodies. Work together slowly to increase their intake of fruits and vegetables, whole grains, lean meats, nuts, and fish.
Stay calm over food issues, but do your best to balance the typical tween or teen love for fast food or snacks with well-rounded meals. Remember: regular family mealtime has many benefits beyond nutrition!
Here are a few other ideas to try:
- Get your grandchild’s input on meal planning.
- Try cooking together (which can also benefit your relationship!)
- Take turns choosing side dishes to complement the meal.
- Offer a variety of fruits or vegetables to go with the main dish.
If you are struggling to get your grandchild or niece to eat, consider additional resources for ideas to help.
3. Get Your Bodies Moving!
Everyone benefits from consistent physical activity. Regular movement gives us energy, and it regulates our brains. Support your grandchild’s brain development and your relationship by engaging in activities with them. Take family walks, play basketball in the park, and have a dance party in the kitchen. Invite them to your tribal community’s events or dance classes.
Encourage them to find a form of exercise they enjoy – whether a sports team at school, yoga or cycling classes at the community center, or running the trails in your town. Build time into your household’s routines for an activity that regulates their brains and emotions.
4. Seek a Balance at Home.
Your home environment will strongly impact your grandchild’s mental and emotional well-being. When your grandchild is working through the losses and pain of leaving his first home and learning how to be part of your home, they will need additional support.
Balance healthy boundaries and ground rules with love, nurture, and emotional support. For example, consistently enforce bedtimes, curfews, and homework routines. But set your grandchild up for success by giving your time, attention, and support to accomplish these expectations.
Give love and affection as freely as you can and model open-heartedness so they feel safe and nurtured. When you must correct them, be sure they know that your rules and consequences will help them be safe and learn healthy life skills for their future.
5. Open New Opportunities for Your Tween or Teen.
Tweens and teens can thrive when they have a variety of activities and experiences to help them learn more about the world around them. They can use these opportunities to process their history and process their forming identity as their brains grapple with the input they get.
Look around your community to see what activities, hobbies, or other events are available. It would help if you tried to provide a combination of experiences that will challenge them to learn new things and activities that are already familiar to them. Find something that sparks creative expression, includes time for peer interactions, and offers safe mentoring from other adults to support your grandchild’s brain growth with positive input and connections.
6. Learn Stress Management Skills Together.
When your grandchild is processing their history of trauma or loss, their brain is stressed. We know that stress can impact healthy brain development, so you must find healthy ways to address and manage stress. Caring for your grandchild during the tween and teen years can also be stressful. So, work with them to develop some intentional relaxation strategies. You can teach them to your young person, do them together, and build them into your home’s routine. The goal is to find a healthy outlet for the stress you and your grandchild experience throughout the day.
Here are a few common strategies that your grandchild might enjoy, with you or on their own:
- Mindfulness exercises
- Yoga or stretching
- Writing in a journal
- Reading
- Nature walks
- Prayer or meditation
- Deep breathing
7. Make Healthy Choices for Brain Growth.
Your tween or teen must understand the dangers of drugs, alcohol, and other harmful substances for their developing brains. Talk to them frankly about how to make wise choices and not succumb to the pressures around them to engage in risky behaviors. However, don’t forget that seatbelts and helmets for cycling and other sports are also healthy, protective choices.
Empower them to protect their brains by role-playing situations where they might have to make hard choices. They might benefit from a pre-planned script for what to say when feeling pressured by peers. Give them a “safe word” to text or call you when they need you to rescue them from a challenging situation.
Don’t forget the power of your example – your grandchild or nephew is watching you and learning from your cues. Welcome the conversations about your choices and what you’ve learned. Your life experiences can help them grasp safety concepts concretely when you share them.
Build Safety and Trust into the Fabric of Your Home
Your goal as the caregiver to a tween or teen is to help them feel safe and calm so they can heal from the challenges they experienced before coming to you. Remember, a safe brain is a learning brain! In this stage of rapid brain growth and development, you can be a powerful force for helping them process their big emotions and develop the thinking and reasoning skills they need to be successful adults.