Parenting young kids today is quite different from when you were raising your children. Schools demand more connection between home and teachers. Phones, tablets, and laptops are the norm, even for preschool or early elementary-aged kids. And it probably feels like there is less opportunity for kids to be kids.
When you add the trauma and losses your grandchild (or other loved one) has experienced before coming to your home, it’s no wonder he’s bouncing off the walls by dinner time or melting down at bedtime. Your exhaustion and feeling of overwhelm are totally understandable.
Tips to Help You Manage Daily Life
Managing this new day-to-day pace with a younger grandchild in today’s world can feel like a brand-new experience, even if you are a seasoned parent. Here are some tips to help you and your grandchild settle into a new and better routine for everyone.
1. Slow Down.
You and your grandchild need time and space to settle in together. You need to find your groove in this new role. Your grandchild must build trust that you will be there for them. All of this takes time. Slow your daily schedule down so you do less during this adjustment time. Make room to get to know each other and settle into the new dynamics of life together.
2. Establish a Predictable Routine.
Your grandchild likely has had little control over what happened to them and how they got to your home. One of the greatest gifts you can give them is predictability and consistency. For example, let them know there is a time for eating, brushing their teeth, playing, schoolwork, TV, video games, and bedtime.
Remind them lovingly and patiently of your household routines and consistently enforce the rhythms of your home. Many young kids need to see their daily schedule in pictures or a checklist taped to the refrigerator.
3. Take Transitions Slowly.
Your young grandchild may struggle with starting and stopping activities—moving from one thing to another. Transitions are challenging for all kids but especially hard for kids who have experienced loss or chaos. Outline the schedule in advance, for example:
“We’re going to play at the playground after school and then we’re going grocery shopping to get something yummy for dinner.”
Follow that with a warning about 10 minutes before the shift will happen.
Use an egg timer or the timer on your phone to reinforce your warning. Praise your grandchild when they make even the slightest progress in transitioning out of their activity. When they struggle to leave, offer a second chance.
If leaving today didn’t work well, tell them the next day that you can’t go to the park to play because it was too hard for them to leave. Assure them that with this short break, you are sure that they will do a much better job when they try again the next day.
4. Become a Behavior Detective.
When you are faced with behaviors from your young grandchild that are challenging and problematic, become like a detective to solve the mystery. Start thinking about and observing them to help you think through possible causes and solutions:
- What are the worst times of the day for your grandchild?
- What were they doing before they fell apart?
- When did they last eat? Are they well-hydrated?
- Have they had time to play outside today?
- Is there a pattern to their challenging behaviors?
Be Patient with Yourself and Your Grandchild
You may have many problems to fix but try to focus on only one at a time. Maybe you should start with the one that drives you the craziest! Or, consider solving the one that will be easiest to change. No matter which you choose, remember that it took a while for these behaviors to develop. It will take a bit to correct, but you’ve got this!