Managing your grandchild or loved one’s IEP, 504, or other special education services in the public schools can feel like an overwhelming task. The language of special education and the process of setting up services can leave you feeling uncertain of your ability to advocate for this child. Often, there are complicated layers in your interactions with the school. You may even feel as if the school is trying to get out of supporting your grandchild appropriately or that they don’t see your loved one as the unique precious kid they are.
Preparation and Education are Key to Managing Special Education Services
With preparation, support, and reputable resources, you can navigate your grandchild’s public-school services and advocate for their success. Consider these suggestions for how to educate yourself.
1. Learn about your rights – and your grandchild’s, too!
Whether you are new to supporting a child in school or not, you can access resources that will help you understand the full extent of your rights in the system. Ask the school for the document called “Procedural Safeguards” for special education. This lengthy notice spells out your rights, the child’s rights, and how to proceed with grievances when there is a conflict.
Every state has a parent support resource to help parents and caregivers understand their rights and the procedures of federal laws in that state. You can find information for your state at the Center for Parent Information and Resources. The Eastern Band of Cherokee Indians’ Department of Education can also offer help to understand your rights.
Here are additional sites to help you educate yourself on parental and child rights in special education:
- Understood.org – helps people with learning and thinking differences find ways to thrive.
- Wright’s Law – legal information and special education advocacy tools.
- A Day in Our Shoes – an educational advocate who supports parents and caregivers.
2. Gather the necessary information before meetings.
Before meeting with your nephew or grandchild’s team, ask for copies of the related documents. This will give you time to review their findings and form questions before the meeting. Preparing in advance can boost your confidence and help you feel like part of this child’s team. It’s also an opportunity to fact check and manage your emotions so you can focus and be productive in the meeting.
3. Assume your role as a member of your child’s team.
It may be uncomfortable but it’s helpful if you can see yourself as part of your child’s team. You – along with the child’s parents if they are available – are the expert on this child. It is appropriate to step into that role to lead the way for positive change for this child.
Taking that a step further, please don’t feel pressured to blindly trust the teachers or administrators around the table. Instead, remember that you are joining them to understand this child’s needs. It’s okay to question their recommendations.
Educating yourself to support this child in public school is an ongoing process. These suggestions are not once-and-done. Periodically refresh yourself on your rights and the child’s support plan. Review the documents each time the child receives a new diagnosis or added service. Ask for more information when they offer suggestions that might not feel quite right for your child.
Managing Special Education Meetings and Communication
It’s normal to feel nervous about upcoming meetings. However, you can balance those nerves by considering the special education team meetings as opportunities! You have this child’s key players at the table together. How can you maximize the conversations, so everyone is working together to set this child up for the best potential for success?
Come to Meetings Prepared.
There is a ton of paperwork involved in the special education process. Here are two suggestions for organizing that paperwork.
1. Streamline your communication.
Try to keep all related communication in emails. This might mean sending a summary of in-person communication as a follow-up. Yes, it takes extra time, but it’s worth it when you must refer to that documentation later. Time and date stamps and written clarifications serve as your running record, and you can refer to them more readily in your meetings.
2. Keep paperwork in a binder.
Organize all the paperwork, notices, and plans in a binder. Whether you choose an accordion file or a three-ring binder, keep the most recent information at the front. This cuts time spent chasing down data and searching for answers. It also speaks of your commitment to the process when you show up with current information and organized thoughts to your grandchild’s meetings.
Lead with your child’s strengths.
When the meeting is ready to start, consider how to lead the conversation with your child’s strengths and talents. You could tell a story of Johnny’s great compassion over a news story he watched. You might ask them to tell you something good they’ve seen in your child unrelated to an academic struggle. Figure out ways to talk about your child as a whole person. Help everyone on the team remember that learning differences are only one small part of who your precious child is.
Be your own best advocate.
1. Ask questions!
In meetings with your niece’s team, be a good listener. Take notes and jot down questions that come up as you listen. Don’t be afraid to ask for their sources of information or resources to help you understand their perspectives. You should have the same access they do to the research that explains their proposed learning plans for this child.
2. It’s okay to ask for a pause.
Sometimes, the meetings feel heavy. This might happen when they are sharing a flood of new information, presenting a new diagnosis, or telling you about a challenge your grandchild has with the expectations in the classroom. It’s okay to pause the conversation and ask for further information or a moment to think about what they’ve said.
It’s also acceptable to ask for a second meeting before you sign any changes to this child’s education plan. You can use the time between sessions to seek more information or alternatives to the plan they’ve outlined for your grandchild.
3. “I don’t know” is an acceptable answer.
Finally, it’s okay to NOT know the answers to their questions about your concerns or suggestions. Be comfortable ending a meeting without a conclusion this time around. Set a follow-up to finalize things with the team after you take time to gain the understanding you need.
Use supportive scripts.
We know that no matter how prepared you might be, sometimes meetings will still feel confrontational. Surprises and conflict will happen. To prepare yourself for these moments, memorize short scripts to help you stay calm and speak from a position of strength and confidence, for example:
- “Respectfully, I disagree.”
- “Let me share with you my perspective.”
- “Can you supply documentation for that information?”
“No” is Enough.
Finally, when you are in a challenging spot and feel unprepared to move forward, remember that “No” is a complete sentence. It doesn’t have to be confrontational or rude. However, saying “No,” can adequately spell out your position and give you time and space to find other options to proceed. Use the time to regroup in a follow-up meeting or after a short pause.
Managing Special Education Services Means Teamwork!
Caring for school-aged grandchildren means supporting them at home and in the classroom. When you are home with the child, encourage them to practice good study habits. Speak respectfully about the teachers. Support healthy bedtime and waking routines so they are fresh for the school day. Help the child see their skills and talents in and out of the classroom.
It’s critical that this child knows you are part of their team and will always have their back. But it’s just as crucial that your grandchild knows Home and School are working together to set them up for success in school.