Your grandchildren are growing up in an era unlike any you’ve witnessed before. Technology is as familiar to them as breathing – they’ve never known a time when tablets, iPads, phones, and laptops were not accessible every day. Schools have come to rely heavily upon Chromebooks and other personal devices to aid learning in the classroom and at home. Kids of almost all ages use social media and gaming to connect with their peers, keep up with favorite trends, and learn about the world around them. Many of them have their own devices in addition to the ones issued by school – your grandchild may have come to you with a smartphone that you still have not figured out.
Teaching Kids to Protect Themselves Online and on Social Media
We’ve all seen uncomfortable images or inappropriate content online. Most of us have posted something we regret and tried to fix it later. It’s a huge learning curve for anyone who is online regularly. The learning curve is steeper for kids who still need to develop judgment and wisdom of maturity. How can you support a child online daily for school and active on social media? How can you teach them to make wise choices and protect themselves as they navigate this digital climate?
1. Position yourself to learn.
Kids make mistakes – and when surrounded by loving, nurturing adults to guide them, they can learn from them. Whether this child came to your home with their own devices or not, you can lay a foundation of safety, trust, and advocacy with them by having a candid conversation.
Admit your concerns about screen time, online content, and social media. Keep the early discussions general while you are still learning each other. And express curiosity about what they love about their access to the online communities where they interact. Ask them to teach you about a game or a social media platform they enjoy. If you have a smartphone, get them to help you set up a feature or two you still need to learn.
By coming alongside them with this curiosity and openness, you demonstrate that you are willing to learn with and from them. Entering their world with an open mind models teachability and tells them you have their back. These conversations can be points of alliance rather than opposition between you.
2. Consider preventative measures.
Even when this child has come to your home with online habits established, you can still find ways to navigate new patterns together. When your conversations are open and curious, it can be easier to agree on how to prevent mistakes or avoid challenges for which they are not ready.
One standard preventative measure is “friending” or following your grandchild on their social media accounts. The two of you can agree that you won’t interact with them or their peers but want to support them with an extra set of eyes for harmful or unsafe activity.
Another preventative measure is learning the art of open-ended questions that help your grandchild consider others. For example, “what do you think your friend John might feel if you said that to his face?” or “is that appropriate information to share with someone you only know on this platform?”
A third preventative measure to limit the time your grandchild uses their devices without supervision. Some families turn their Wi-Fi off at 10 p.m. nightly. Others use third-party apps to monitor the length of time or time of day devices are used. You can learn more about practical tools for online safety in this article.
3. Create a safe space to learn.
Your grandchild will make mistakes online. You will make mistakes while guiding them online. Give each other grace for the mistakes and space to learn new habits and better behaviors. When this child comes to you with an error – or when you discover unsafe practices – don’t shame them or read them the riot act. Instead, relate to their struggle by sharing your challenges with interacting in unknown situations. Show them your concern without inciting fear or anxiety, and ask them how they would like you to help them.
By the same token, when your grandchild does something outstanding and noteworthy – online or not! – call that out. Praise them for the wisdom, maturity, compassion, or thoughtfulness that action showed you. Pick a few character traits you admire and relate them to who you see them becoming as they grow. Look for opportunities to show this child they can also learn from their excellent behaviors.
4. Set up basic safety rules.
Your grandchild or nephew may have been using phones or iPads for a long time without supervision. Gently and lovingly explain to them that for the time being, while they are in your home, you’d like to have a simple set of rules that you can agree on together. Get their buy-in on these rules, but feel free to have some suggestions ready for the conversation.
There are many resources online to help you find the rules that would work for you, including an article on this site called “13 Common Sense Rules for Internet Use in Your Home.” The Center for Parent and Teen Communication also offers resources to help you learn how to navigate boundaries and rules with tweens and teens.
5. Assure your grandchild that mistakes can be overcome.
Through all these conversations you have with your grandchild, consistently assure them that when a mistake is made, you will be there for them. Sometimes, making those missteps right again can be challenging and embarrassing, but this child needs to know that you are on their team no matter what.
When a mistake is made, there are a few skills that you can key in on:
- Teach them how to say “sorry” when it’s warranted.
- Show them the value of pulling out of interactions when they go poorly.
- Help them learn to remove temptations and unhealthy elements from their online activity.
- Brainstorm where to find good counsel and reliable information.
- Consider vital differences between “real life” relationships and online connections.
- How to pursue and build a network of good friends for in-person activity.
However, again, make sure that working with them through these mistakes doesn’t turn into moments where you are lecturing them or piling shame and guilt higher than they likely already feel. Your grandchild needs to know that you are a safe space to learn better skills than the mistakes displayed.
Be A Role Model for Interacting Online Safely.
Your grandchild or niece may need support for re-learning safe online activity over many years. Whether they continue to live with you or not, you can continue to be a safe guiding force in their growth. They might resist your efforts to teach them at first. That’s okay. You’ve got time to teach them, but until they are open to learning from you, you can behave online in ways that will show them what you mean. Being a role model who practices consistency, thoughtfulness, and intentionality with online habits is a foundation they will remember.