Your grandchild has ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), and you want to support them in ways that empower and equip them to succeed. School, extracurricular activities, and part-time jobs are all typical settings that can stress a typical teen. When a teen with ADHD tries to juggle all these experiences, the stress might feel overwhelming. If you are helping raise a teen with ADHD, there are things you can do to help them set themselves up for success at school and home.
5 Tips to Empower a Teen with ADHD
1. Acknowledge and accept the challenges.
You can normalize your grandchild’s experiences with ADHD by stating the obvious: “ADHD makes some daily life tasks more complicated. ADHD makes your brain work differently. But different isn’t bad – it’s just different.”
But you must be sure to follow that up with hopeful encouragement that there are tools that can ease the challenges. You cannot erase the challenges for them, but you can help them learn to accept that their brain wiring needs different tools to function well. Be straightforward and accepting of the challenges of ADHD and help your grandchild understand that being different is not wrong or unacceptable. Different is just different.
You should also be very hopeful about the tools available to support their challenges and that you are there to help them find what they need. Demonstrate your presence by helping them find the right tools and trying them out together. You can also try a few tools to support other parts of your household’s daily life. There are apps for household tasks and chore charts to help you both.
2. Help your grandchild create a coping plan for school.
Get your young person’s buy-in by offering various ideas for improving their school experience. Work with them to try suggestions like these:
- Front-row seating in the classroom
- Organizational tools to track homework and projects – including apps, hard copy planners, checklists, etc.
- Regular check-ins with a teacher or a special education team
- Supportive tutoring or study skills classes
- Frequent communication between home and school
Encourage your grandchild to try to figure out what works best for them. Additionally, your teen’s teachers can help point you to supplemental supports that the school offers or recommends from your community. If your grandchild has an IEP or 504, request to meet with the team (and invite the teen) to discuss the available resources.
3. Craft a safe space with them in your home.
It’s common for a kid who manages learning challenges all day long in school to come home and “crash.” That’s not a negative comment about you, your parenting, or your home. Instead, it’s frequently a statement that your grandchild feels safe enough to drop their guard and relax.
Being “on task” all day long when you have ADHD is exhausting for your grandchild’s brain – they need a safe place to decompress. You can support this by helping them create a haven that is refreshing to them.
Get your teen’s input on some of these tools to help create a space for refreshing themselves:
- Snacks/Drinks
- Music or books
- Fidget toys (spinners, brainteasers, thinking putty, etc.)
- Crocheting/Knitting/Woodworking, other hands-on hobbies
- Blankets, pillows, weighted stuffed animals
- Essential oils or aromatherapy
Please set up a daily routine that builds in time for these activities that restore them after their long day at school. As for their ideas on how long this routine will take them. Some kids need 15 minutes. Others might need an hour. And be flexible and responsive when some days are more challenging for your young person to recover from than others.
4. Talk up your grandchild’s positive traits.
It’s easy for teens with ADHD to feel their differences make them “more” – more complicated or too different for those around them. They can tend to feel “too different” from their peers, “too distracted to learn,” or “too challenging” for the adults around them to manage. You must intentionally and authentically point out the traits that make them precious, unique, and valuable to your family.
However, teens have a hyper-sensitive radar for nonsense, so make every effort to focus on things about them you genuinely appreciate.
- Maybe your grandchild is an excellent baker – tell them you love their sourdough bread and request it for Sunday brunch.
- If your teen is a fantastic storyteller, ask them to weave a tale for the younger kids at your next family gathering.
- When you have a teen who has musical talent, offer additional lessons or ask them to teach you to play their instrument.
Once your grandchild gets used to you telling them about their outstanding traits, try asking them what they love most about themselves. Use that information the next time you praise them! The point is to hone in on your grandchild’s skills and talents and find ways to let them shine.
5. Practice mindfulness together.
A teen with ADHD can feel scattered, disorganized, and mentally cluttered. Invite your grandchild to pray or meditate with you at sunrise or sunset. Practice being present in the moments together, taking in the beauty around you. Learn breathing techniques to aid in relaxation. Ask your grandchild to show you some apps that help usher in moments of mindfulness.
You can also try yoga apps or other stretching activities to calm your minds and bodies together. The goal is to work with your teen to be present, create a calming environment, and practice mindfulness that manages the mental chaos they might feel with ADHD.
Empowering Your Grandchild with ADHD Builds Trust
There are several added bonuses to empowering your grandchild to manage their ADHD. You are equipping them with life skills far beyond high school. They are learning that they have precious value to you and their community. Your grandchild feels safe and confident and can trust you to be present for their challenges. Building that kind of trust between you forms a launching pad to adulthood that is robust and secure.