Improving Your Family’s Communication is an Investment
How we communicate with our family powerfully affects how we feel about ourselves. Before your grandchild (or niece or cousin) came to you, they probably witnessed unhealthy communication patterns. It’s crucial that they feel heard and seen in your home, especially if they have experienced abuse, neglect, or trauma. It’s also critical they learn how to express their needs. The unhealthy communication they experienced previously might make it challenging to feel safe and valued. This child needs to feel safe with you and that you will meet their needs.
Healthy communication now is an investment in who you want your grandchild to become. Teaching new, healthy communication skills will help you set your grandchild up for success. Learning new ways to interact also prepares them to communicate in the workplace and in future relationships.
5 Tips to Help Your Family Communicate Better
There are several ways to learn better communication skills in your home. These tips will help your grandchild feel like they matter and that their voice is important to you.
1. Start with mindfulness.
A solid start to improving your family’s communication begins with your mindset. “Mindfulness” is becoming aware of your feelings and thoughts. It’s a skill that helps you be present with your inner self. Think about how your body feels when your emotions are running high, or you are stressed. Then practice connecting how you feel physically with the feelings and thoughts inside. Observe your responses in both good and challenging moments. That is mindfulness.
Mindfulness allows you to be present for your grandchild’s thoughts and feelings without feeling triggered. Your emotionally safe presence will be a model for the child when they feel distressed. If this is a challenge for you, consider working with a counselor or spiritual instructor to learn the skills for healthy self-awareness.
2. Model openness.
Openness is a practical way to support mindfulness. Develop openness in your home by saying your thoughts and feelings out loud. Try to do it in neutral tones without making the emotions “good” or “bad.” When you narrate your day like this, you normalize your feelings during the day. This tool will help your grandchild name and accept the many different emotions one can feel. Openness also empowers your grandchild to learn what to do with their feelings. Repeating this skill builds healthy communication patterns for your family.
3. Ask open-ended questions.
Practice regular check-ins with your family about their days. In front of your grandchild, ask your other family members open-ended questions about today’s experiences and how they felt about them. Include your grandchild in the conversations as they learn. Examples of an open-ended questions would be,
“When your bus was late today, how did you solve the problem?”
“How did you feel when the teacher assigned your writing assignment on The Red Badge of Courage?
A practical, easy way to make this a new habit is to try conversation starters at mealtimes. Here are examples that will also build your family’s emotional language skills.
- The high point of today was…, and the low point was…
- Would you rather be a bird or a fish, and why?
- What annoys you the most?
- Which one superpower would you choose and why?
- If I could travel back to any time in history, I’d go to… because…
- What is something you are afraid of?
- What makes you feel joy?
- What are you most interested in lately, and why?
You can find more conversation starters like these at TinyBeans.com.
Giving your grandchild (or cousin or nephew) the openness to share their experiences safely supports them as they develop the habits of sharing and empathizing with others. These healthy communication skills will help them build other crucial life skills to succeed.
4. Be ready and accepting.
Practicing mindfulness and openness makes you ready to hear your grandchild’s thoughts and feelings. They are more likely to be open and share the awesome and challenging things they are experiencing. Your acceptance of their experiences increases their sense of safety in your home.
Your receptiveness to their perspectives or experiences also communicates that they are valuable to you. In this culture of cell phones and working from home, it’s easy to be distracted from authentic presence with your family. When you respond poorly, apologize, and try to choose more connected acceptance with your grandchild next time.
5. Affirm your grandchild’s preciousness.
How do you let your grandchild know they are loved? Healthy communication is made up of both words and actions. Your grandchild needs to know they are cherished, valued, and accepted, even when you must correct them.
One practical way to reinforce your grandchild’s preciousness is to spend time together. You could schedule a regular movie night or weekly hikes. Carve out time with your grandchild doing something they enjoy. Try a variety of activities, focusing on learning more about them. Here are examples to consider:
- Take karate lessons together.
- Go to their high school theater productions.
- Let them teach you their new soccer move.
- Allow them to invite their friends for a gaming night.
The key is ensuring your home is warm, safe, and welcoming. Getting into their world tells them they are precious and “worth it,” even if you initially feel uncomfortable trying.
Remember to Take Care of Yourself!
Learning new communication habits with your grandchild (or niece or friend) is hard work. It requires consistency and intentionality. Being present and open is exhausting. You already do many challenging things in raising your grandchild.
For that reason – and others – it’s vital to take care of yourself. It will help to look for ways to refresh and nourish yourself. Learn more about self-care from the article called “Making Self-Care a Routine” on this site. A bonus of regular self-care is that you are modeling another great healthy life skill for your grandchild. Make that appointment with yourself because you are precious too!