The internet is a fantastic tool for research, entertainment, and connection. Children are getting phones, laptops, and tablets at younger and younger ages. The ease of access to the internet, literally in our back pockets, can make parts of our lives incredibly easy and convenient. But it can also be a double-edged sword that you must monitor carefully to prevent damage to your grandchild’s heart and mind. You can protect your grandchild with a few common-sense rules in your home.
Common-Sense Internet Rules for Kids
1. Designate devices as “family devices.”
Many families still have multiple devices (laptops, tablets, iPads, etc.) for everyone’s use. Whenever possible, refer to those devices as “family” devices. Using this language will reinforce the idea that everyone can access that computer. But it also tells the kids that you are watching and the computer should be safe for all users.
It is understandable if your grandchild wants their own privacy settings or password protection on a family device – to preserve their settings or to bookmark favorite gaming and shopping sites, for example. Ensure they share their password with you on any devices you call “family” devices.
Of course, this won’t apply to school-issued devices or phones your loved one brought into your home when they arrived.
2. Use the family device frequently.
Make a point to use the family computer a couple of times a week as a matter of course. Be sure upgrades are being installed and that the spyware is working. Check the search history often to get a feel for what your grandchild (or niece or cousin) is doing online. Sometimes, just knowing that you will be on the same computer may act as the brakes they need before clicking on an inappropriate link.
3. Keep the family computer in your shared spaces.
Establish a household rule that family devices are used in the public spaces of your home as often as possible. Occasionally, your grandchild might need a quiet place to do homework or research for school. Be flexible about those times but also be sure to provide monitoring. Check on them with a plate of cookies or a can of soda in hand.
Again, school-issued devices can complicate this plan. Encourage your grandchild to do homework in the living room or at the kitchen table whenever possible.
4. Create household rules about phones, iPads, and laptops.
It’s critical to discuss your house rules around all devices, especially if your grandchild comes with their own phone or iPad. If you still need to establish rules, or if your rules are vastly different from what your grandchild had previously, try to set a few rules up together. Try to work with the child’s parents on rules you can all abide by and enforce consistently.
It’s critical to remember that once a young person has a personal device, you lose control over their online activity. These devices are inevitable in this culture but don’t buy the hype that 13- and 14-year-olds “MUST” have their own.
5. Educate yourself about internet safety.
Keeping up with the current trends, apps, and internet dangers can feel like a full-time job! These resources can help you learn more. Subscribe to their newsletters and alerts and use them as a launching pad to find other reliable resources. It’s hard work to stay on top of this information, but it’s a necessary protection for your grandchild.
- Screen Sanity
- Protect Young Eyes
- Common Sense Media
- Nemours Kids Health Online Safety
- NC Department of Information and Technology
6. Try not to hover.
It’s easy to be fearful of the impacts of internet access on your grandchild. Try not to react in fear but stay alert to the risks of online activity. Walk by the couch where they are scrolling on their phone. Bring a snack to the table where they are writing their history paper. Periodically ask to see what funny videos are making them laugh. Invite them to share the music they are finding.
7. Talk honestly about internet safety, privacy, and online reputation.
Often tweens and teens don’t know how long the internet lasts. They don’t understand that their choices can impact their life now, let alone for years to come. If they are tech-savvy, ask them to help you research privacy settings and how to protect sensitive information for your household. Stress that they should not share passwords with anyone but you.
Consider a family contract to encourage safe online habits. You can find examples for different ages at ConnectSafely.org, along with other good tools for your family.
8. Internet access will only increase.
Your grandchild also needs to understand how far-reaching the internet can be. Help them understand that all information online can ultimately be seen by anyone — teachers, parents, youth group leaders, coaches, and even future college admissions offices or employers. If they don’t want it to be seen, they shouldn’t post it.
9. Set reasonable limits.
This rule is getting harder for parents and caregivers to monitor now that almost all schools distribute devices to support school work. However, it’s worth discussing reasonable limits for how long each of you is online. Some households select a general “screen time” limit, which includes any screens (TV, phone, computer, etc.). Others limit time spent on social media or gaming.
Work with your grandchild to decide reasonable limits. If you have regular contact with their parent, include them in the conversation, so you include allowances for texting and calls. Model how to negotiate, compromise, and respectfully discuss the list of limits that work well for everyone.
10. Consider the times of day for online activity.
Set enforceable limits on the times of day your grandchild or loved one can be active online. Be aware that late-night social media scrolling, texting, and browsing are often problematic. There are apps available to monitor this, and your phone service carrier likely also has parental controls.
11. Follow the already established rules.
All social media platforms have minimum age limits for users. Model responsible digital citizenship by requiring your grandchild to follow the rules of the platforms they wish to use. The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) has established rules to protect kids, called the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Rule (“COPPA”).
If a child younger than 13 has an account on a social media platform, you can report the account. It might take some searching, but most platforms have reporting mechanisms.
12. Keep up with their socials!
If your grandchild is on social media, keep up with what they post and share. For younger teens, request passwords and check the accounts frequently. It helps if you approach this request matter-of-factly, saying, “that’s how things are done in our family” to keep everyone safe.
This is more complicated for older tweens and young adults, but make the effort to keep up with them any way you can. Start your own account if you feel comfortable and periodically check their posts. Try to stay under the radar, and don’t make comments. Keep in mind that over-sharing can go both ways – your grandchild will see what you post as well!
13. Install reliable parental controls.
For kids of any age, it’s crucial to install parental control software on home and mobile devices. Many options are available in your app store to meet your needs (and your grandchild’s tech ability) well. Be aware that this software is often worthless with older teens who have become very tech-savvy. It is better to discuss why you don’t want them on particular sites rather than trying to block them.