Caring for a relative’s child, whether for a long weekend or an extended season, can be rewarding and fulfilling. However, suppose you aren’t used to supporting a child impacted by loss, neglect, or prenatal substance exposure. In that case, it can also be bewildering and consuming. You are worried this child might suffer lasting pain from the challenges they’ve experienced in their young life. You might feel exhaustion you haven’t felt since you welcomed your newborn baby many years ago. You may even wonder if you’ve done the right thing by bringing this child to your home at your age or stage of life.
It’s normal to ask yourself these questions and to doubt your ability to be what this child needs. It’s also expected to wonder if this child can find healing and stability after all they have experienced. These questions and concerns can weigh heavily, adding another weariness that might be hard to manage.
Stop and Assess Your Health
When you feel these questions and responsibilities weighing on you, it is time to take stock of your state of being. Ask yourself a few questions to help you assess your wellness.
1. How is my physical health?
You have a lot going on in your home. Is your sleep suffering? How is your daily nutrition? Are you getting enough water? These three basics – sleep, food, water – are the building blocks of crucial self-care and can be addressed without seeking medical interventions.
If you also live with a chronic illness or disability, you must stay on top of your physical health and seek regular, consistent care. Staying connected to your medical team is also self-care. Your doctors and practitioners can be an excellent source of support to keep you healthy and up to the task of caring for this child, no matter how long the child is with you.
Staying active is another beneficial tool for managing your physical health. The impacts of regular physical activity, like strength, endurance, and increased energy, will keep you engaged and able to continue meeting the child’s needs. The added benefit of staying active is that it boosts your mental and emotional health.
2. How is my emotional and mental health?
It is common for caregivers to feel lots of emotions about caring for their relative’s child. You may feel shame or guilt over your adult child’s life choices that resulted in this child living with you. You might also feel “stuck” or hopeless about their circumstances ever improving. It’s common to feel anger, resentment, or frustration about their relationship with their child. Your mental health may falter when all the responsibilities of caring for this child feel overwhelming. Depression or despair can be a common experience for caregivers.
These mental and emotional challenges can take a toll on your overall health, too. Living with poor emotional or mental health can color everything about your life. Eventually, the child you are raising will feel the impact of your struggles if you don’t deal with them in healthy ways.
You can find several ways to manage your mental and emotional health, including:
- Talking with a counselor or faith leader
- Seeking a medical professional’s advice
- Meditation, prayer, or similar spiritual pursuits
- Joining a support group with other caregivers
- Sharing responsibilities with other safe family members
- Enlisting help with challenging tasks or chores around the house
- Engaging in regular physical activity
- Journaling or responsive readings
- Pursuing a hobby or interest beyond caregiving
When your self-care includes attention to your mental and emotional health, you give yourself and this child the best opportunity to thrive together. You also model healthy self-care skills that the child can carry to adulthood.
Take Time to Ask the Questions
Serving your family and nurturing this child in their time of need is an excellent pursuit. Your family is fortunate to have you! However, when you don’t slow down to take stock of your health, you can get lost in the fast pace. You deserve to slow down a minute and ask yourself these questions. You can continue being present for your family when you answer honestly and adjust your daily rhythms. Self-care that sustains and nourishes your whole person is good for your entire family.