Isolation is one of the most significant risk factors today’s teens face. Even though young adults are more “connected” than ever, thanks to their phones and iPads, they also report record levels of loneliness. They often need solid in-person connections to sustain them.
You can protect the teens who live with you from those risk factors by opening your doors to their friends. When you welcome your grandchild’s friends into your home, you get an insider’s view of how your grandchild interacts with friends, what interests them, and how they view themselves. What you learn when observing your grandchild with their friends can help you build their social and emotional skills. Your guidance and a safe space to explore their developing identity can also help them overcome the impacts of their earlier life challenges.
Practical Ways to Make Your Grandchild’s Friends Feel Welcome
Opening your doors to weekend hangouts or after-school study sessions might feel overwhelming or intimidating. However, it doesn’t have to be a complicated experience or a burden on your finances. There are several simple things you can do to help your teens’ friends feel welcome and safe in your home.
1. Feed them.
Most teens aren’t very particular about snacks, so you can get away with whatever fits your budget. If you know of food restrictions or allergies, learn more about the specifics and try accommodating those for regular visitors. Keep an eye out for sales. And stock up when you find the snacks and frozen pizzas you know are winners.
The key, in most cases, is quantity! When the kids are hanging out, keep those snacks coming. If you are hosting frequently, you can ask one of the kids’ parents to pitch in occasionally to lighten the load.
2. Make space for them.
Physical space
Even if your home has limited space, you can carve out space for the kids to hang out. For some homes, a finished or semi-finished basement works well. Other families send the teens to the family room to avoid disrupting the rest of the household.
If you allow the teens to hang out in bedrooms or other rooms with doors that can close, consider giving the other parents or caregivers a heads-up. Ask how they feel about it. When the teens are behind closed doors, check on them more frequently than in open, shared spaces.
Of course, when the weather is nice, you can set up an appealing hangout spot on the porch, in the yard, or even in a garage. The goal is to offer them privacy while still providing supervision.
Emotional space
Another way to “make space” for your grandchild or nephew’s friends is to be available on the perimeter for those who look like they could use a safe adult. When you prove yourself safe and available to these kids, you might be surprised by how they invite you into their world.
You can offer a hug or ask a simple question, “Hey, how are you really doing?” to let them know you are present and open to them.
3. Keep them busy.
Wherever you let these teens hang out, keep it stocked with various activities. Board games, cards, video games, music, puzzles, and even books or graphic novels are all good to have available. Some kids enjoy simple crafts, adult coloring books, or word games to decompress. Keeping their hands busy often allows their minds to rest and heal – especially when they feel safe in your home.
4. Give them boundaries.
Consider basic “house rules” to keep everyone safe and represent your family’s values. Please be sure the kids know what you expect when they are in your home. Before friends arrive, discuss with your loved one a few key things, such as:
- how many friends they can host at one time
- whether they can host a hangout if you are not home
- activities or media that are off-limits
- spaces where they are permitted to hang
- start and stop times for these hangouts
- rules for sleepovers (if applicable)
Be sure your grandchild knows you are present and ready to step in if they need or want you. It might help to agree on a code word they can text you for help.
5. Offer them some grace.
It’s easy to get stressed by the mess or the noise. Remember that your goal is to make these teens feel welcomed and valued. Expect them to clean up after themselves but hold the definition of “clean up” loosely.
Similarly, it might feel overwhelming to welcome teens into your home who look, act, or behave differently than you experience with your grandchild. Try to keep an open heart and mind about these friends. In this stage of life, they are figuring out who they are and how they want to present themselves. They want and need to be accepted as they are. The felt safety experienced in your home may make a lasting impact as they figure themselves out.
Be a Safe, Welcoming Adult in These Kids’ Lives
You don’t need a designated room or an extravagant budget. You will need an open mind and heart, with a warm, welcoming smile. You never know: your home might be these friends’ safest place this weekend.