Are you a grandmother or aunt raising a loved one’s child? Do you have several kids regularly in and out of your home for the love, nurture, and stability you offer? Partnering with others in your community to care for these young people is a privilege and honor. However, it can also be a heavy weight to carry. And it would be best if you were not trying to take on this responsibility alone. Do you have encouraging, safe people around you who can offer practical and emotional support for your work with these kids?
Why You Need A Supportive Network
Raising children is hard work. Taking in children who have been impacted by loss, neglect, instability, or abuse takes the “hard” up several levels. Navigating the resources, meeting the child’s emotional needs, and leading the way toward healing are complex tasks and can become consuming.
You and the child in your care will realize many benefits when you surround yourself with a network of people who will help you care for these children and yourself.
Benefits for You
- Help to navigate the systems and services in your community, including the tribal welfare system and other government or school district resources.
- Having an empathetic and compassionate space to share this child’s needs and behaviors with your peers.
- Reducing the sense of isolation or stress you feel in this season of caring for a family member’s child.
- Widening your access to information about parenting and supporting kids who have experienced trauma through word-of-mouth.
- Opportunities to include the child in your tribal culture, community, customs, and values.
- Practical help with daily needs like groceries, transportation, and child care.
Benefits for the Child
- Normalizing their situation because they see other kids living with family members for a time.
- Reducing isolation, shame, or stress about not being with their parents.
- Friendships with other families who are experiencing similar circumstances.
- Exposure to your family’s tribal customs, culture, and shared values through celebrations, ceremonies, food, music, etc.
Where You Can Find Your Safety Net
There are many ways to create your supportive safety net. If you are involved with your tribal welfare system, ask your caseworker for resources in the area. However, whether you work within the system or not, there are still great options for your family’s well-being.
Support groups
There are many variations of “support groups” available, and you should take some time to consider what works best for your availability and style of learning. Some groups are online, others meet in person. Some groups will mainly focus on training, while others will be community-building. Still others create a blend of training and support. Check out the options and take time to figure out what you need and which group fits you best.
Mentoring or “buddy” programs
Ask your school guidance counselor or tribal community leaders for ideas on mentoring programs. You can often find a “big brother” type of program for kids through community service organizations. Your grandchild might enjoy the outings, after-school support, or friendships that programs like this offer.
Also, houses of worship often provide community support like parent coaching, youth mentoring, or after-school programs your family might enjoy. Friendships and peer learning can spring up from these programs and support you and your grandchild well beyond the program.
Community classes and camps
Many school districts or community development offices organize after-school camps, classes, and summer programs for the youth in the region. Signing your grandchild up for these activities can help them expand their circle of friendships and, in the process, introduce you to other adults in your community who are also raising a loved one’s child.
Even better, sign yourself up for a class in adult education programming. While learning something new, you can also make new friends who get what you are living.
Kinship Navigator Programs
Many states have websites where relative and kinship caregivers can access resources and learn about the support available to navigate the court system, training requirements, etc. You can request help to navigate your family’s needs, including mental and emotional health services. Use this link to visit the North Carolina Kinship/Relative Care site.
Friends and Family
In your community, you likely know many other relative caregivers. Whether they are raising a grandchild, niece or nephew, or a family friend, they understand what you are living. Consider inviting one or two to coffee to talk and support each other. Here are a few practical ways to get you moving toward a solid support network:
- Form a book club and read a parenting book to learn about trauma, prenatal exposure, or ADHD.
- Start a walking group to get exercise and fresh air, and connect with each other over the kids you are raising.
- Create a podcast club where you each listen to podcasts on specific topics related to what your families are experiencing. Meet to share your takeaways and assign a new topic for the next round.
- If you are ambitious, take turns hosting coffee dates in your homes, dessert nights, or even progressive dinners!
Be creative and develop other ideas for learning and growing with other caregivers. The goal is to be supportive and get support, too.
Don’t Try to Walk This Parenting Path Alone
Whether you’ve had kids in your home for a long time or this season is new, you must surround yourself with others who “get it.” You need their insight, encouragement, and resources – just as they need yours. Recognize that you all bring value to the table. The ultimate winners will be the kids whom you love and care for.