Staying on task or keeping a regular routine can be challenging for any child. However, if your grandchild or loved one’s child has been impacted by loss, neglect, or exposure to substances during their mother’s pregnancy, that challenge is more significant. For kids who have learning differences like attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) or autism, the struggle can also be substantial. You can support them in navigating their days and learning organizational tools by creating consistent, predictable routines for your family.
The Value of Routines
Established routines help your grandchild predict what comes next. They can organize their thoughts around the next step and practice how to do it. Following these routines comes easily for some kids. However, those impacted by prenatal substance exposure or learning differences usually struggle when there is no external structure holding them to the tasks.
When you support a child with predictability and consistency, you may start to see some encouraging results:
- An increase in their ability to regulate their emotions
- A rise in self-confidence
- Improvements in their ability to handle stress
- Positive behavior changes or improvements
- Clear thinking for decision-making
- Increased independence
- Increased curiosity and creativity
How to Create Schedules
Think of a daily schedule as a map that helps a child navigate their day. While you might not need to draw your map for the day, your grandchild may need visual support to help them organize their thoughts and tasks. Getting a schedule into a visual format helps lighten the need to repeat yourself to your grandchild. Many children with learning differences or impacts of prenatal alcohol exposure cannot learn with only verbal communication. They will benefit from engaging several of their senses together. A written or picture schedule supports that.
1. Start with Your Goals.
What do you need this child to accomplish every day? Every week? Do you have goals for your grandchild while they live with you? Are there specific tasks that you value highly in the daily or weekly rhythms of your home?
Identify your priorities and write them down, including tasks that you relate to those goals. Here are a few examples of specific goals and their related tasks:
- Healthy Bodies (adequate sleep, nutrition, brushing teeth, showering, hair care, etc.)
- School Success (homework, projects, behavior at school)
- Healthy Relationships (behavior at home, contact with family, positive friendships)
- Strong Work Ethic (after-school job, jobs around the house)
- Connection to the Community (participation in tribal activities, volunteering, spiritual growth)
2. Break the Day Down.
Your weekdays are likely tied to the school schedule if your grandchild is in school. Use that flow to establish a few primary parts of your grandchild’s day. For example:
- Before School
- After School
- Before Bedtime
You can keep the routine the same on weekends if you sense that the child needs that heightened level of consistency. But if your grandchild is older (or is getting the hang of routine quickly), you could also give them “a day off” from this structure. Use your best judgment and be willing to re-visit the topic as your grandchild’s understanding develops.
3. Add in the tasks
Once you’ve identified the natural segments of your days, start filling in tasks that match the time of day. Here’s an example:
Before School
- Wake up on time
- Make my bed
- Eat my breakfast
- Brush my teeth
- Fill my water bottle
- Walk to the bus stop on time
Repeat this for each segment of the day that you’ve identified. Remember to keep the language short and sweet. You can cut and paste pictures to match the words if you have a young grandchild who cannot read.
4. Keep the schedule visible.
Whether you post your new schedule on the fridge or on your family’s bulletin board, it’s helpful to keep it where everyone can see it. Encourage them to refer to it frequently and develop a script you can repeat to help them know where to go for what they need to do next.
For example, you can say, “Great job! You finished your breakfast quickly. Please check the schedule to see what’s next.” Keeping your script in line with the language on your schedule quietly reinforces the goals you’ve set for your grandchild.
Here are a few resources for pre-made schedule templates:
- Free Printable Kid’s Daily Schedule Template from The Incremental Mama
- 5 Free Visual Schedule Templates… from We Are Teachers (adjustable for home life)
- How to Create an Interactive Picture Schedule for Kids from The Inspired Treehouse
5. Be flexible and responsive.
It’s crucial to enforce these schedules and hold them loosely. If your grandchild is new to consistent structure, ease them into schedules and teach them to live by the “chart” on the fridge. Be responsive to their skills and responses to changes and adjust as you can to support them for success. Praise them generously for even the slightest progress.
Supporting younger children.
Young children who cannot read or who have never lived according to a routine may need several re-directs and reminders when you start this process. However, if you sense after a week or two that they are not yet “getting it,” consider how to further simplify your schedule according to their abilities. Once they taste a bit of success, young children usually strive to achieve more!
Flexing with the older grandchildren.
When raising older grandchildren, remember not to overwhelm them or interfere with their increased responsibilities outside the home. Middle and high school homework can often be much heavier than they experienced in elementary school.
After-school jobs, sports, or theater rehearsals should also be considered. These activities are excellent for developing your grandchild’s whole person, but they add to their daily load. So, it’s a good idea to talk with your young person about how their home schedule needs to flex with the changes in their school schedule. Your grandchild will feel respected and valued when you make your observations and ask for help to better support them for success.
Keep Trying!
It’s always challenging to introduce something new, like a schedule where there was none. However, it’s crucial to dig in and stick with it. The benefits for your grandchild’s immediate well-being and long-term success cannot be ignored. No matter how long this child lives with you, one of the most valuable skills you can build in them is the ability to organize their thoughts and actions daily. You are helping them learn the skills for planning, accomplishing, and succeeding across all areas of their lives when you teach them how to navigate their days now.