Raising any child to become a productive, successful, happy adult is a challenge. This can be even harder when raising a relative’s child, especially when the child has challenging behaviors. These behaviors might include frequent emotional meltdowns, lying, and stealing. Other challenging behaviors might be attachment disorders or the impacts that come from abuse, neglect, and other trauma. It’s common for grandparents and other caregivers to worry about the future of the child. There are things you can do right now to help mold their future and ease both their anxiety and yours.
Tips For Preparing Your Child For Adulthood
Teach life skills.
This should start with your child as early as possible. You may think these skills are “common sense,” but many children will need specific guidance in learning them.
1. Teach them how to meal plan and grocery shop.
This includes how to plan a meal, shop for ingredients, and cook a healthy meal. Teach your teens 3 to 4 simple and inexpensive meals. Assign them one night a week to fix one of these meals for the family. Create easy-to-follow steps on recipe cards or in a notebook. This can be a fun bonding activity with (hopefully) delicious results!
2. Show them how to do their own laundry.
Laundry is an excellent chore for teens since the result of not doing it is having nothing clean to wear! Kids who have had prenatal exposure or other learning challenges will need you to write the steps of the process down for them. A “cheat sheet” will support them to be independent while the new skill becomes habit.
3. Teach them to develop healthy relationships.
Starting at a young age, kids need to learn how to form and maintain healthy relationships within and outside their family. Show them what friendships and relationships look like by how you treat those in your family and your friends. Stress the importance of being kind and interested in others.
4. Help them stay organized.
Encourage them to keep their space clean and their schoolwork organized. Show them how to use a calendar, day planner, or other organizer. This teaches them how to keep track of important events, deadlines, and appointments.
5. Enforce consequences.
Be clear that actions carry consequences. Teach them to accept responsibility for their actions. This may mean letting them learn from their mistakes, without stepping in and fixing it for them. It can also involve brainstorming for possible solutions when they do come to you.
Teach the importance of hard work.
1. Assign household chores that fit their age.
Chores could include caring for a pet, cleaning their room, setting or clearing the dinner dishes, doing their laundry, preparing dinner one night a week, or taking out the trash. Make a chore chart that is easy to follow so they can learn the steps.
2. Give role models and examples of workers.
Expose your child to the different types of jobs adults do. Share what you do (or did) and why you enjoy your work. Ask other family members to talk about what they do.
Give opportunities for money management.
They can’t learn to manage what they don’t have. There are several tools on the internet to help you talk about money, but don’t forget to include your family’s values around saving, giving, and spending.
1. Help them earn money.
As early as possible, create ways for your child to earn money. You can pay them per job or give a regular allowance for chores around your home. As they get older, they may be able to work outside your home. Encourage them to save the money they earn.
2. Teach them how to manage money.
Cash in their hand is easier to understand than checks, debit, or credit cards. Supervise how and on what they spend their money. Teach the difference between wants and needs. Show them how to make and use a budget. Teach them how to make change, use a debit card, write a check, and make an online payment.
Help them explore hobbies and free time.
Everyone needs down time or activities that bring them joy. This child needs the benefits of activities beyond surfing the internet and video gaming. Look around for opportunities for them to volunteer, play a sport, or join a special interest club.
Teach internet safety.
Our world has changed dramatically now that we have the internet. It can be both a powerful tool but also a powerful source of danger. Here are a couple key tips to help you have those conversations:
- Never share personal information like age, address, and phone number with strangers. This includes apps and programs that ask for their location.
- Never type, say, or post something online that they wouldn’t do in person.
- Never agree to meet in person with someone they have met only online.
- Ask permission before they make online purchases.
- Set limits on screen time, including no phones at mealtime or when doing homework. Many people require their children to charge phones in their parent’s bedroom at night.
You can find more practical information about managing technology here.
Teach safe driving skills.
Getting behind the wheel of a car is one of the biggest responsibilities and potential dangers of a person’s life. There are a few key issues you must teach to help the child understand this responsibility.
1. Teach them to avoid distractions.
Make sure they are not distracted when driving by the radio, their cellphone, or interesting sights. Once they are allowed to drive alone, set boundaries for specific times or places they are allowed to drive, and with whom.
2. Teach them how to interact with law enforcement.
Make sure to tell them what to do if they are stopped by law enforcement. Prepare them for the steps to follow if they are in an accident. This should include knowing who to call first, and where their license, car registration, and insurance information are kept.
Work with the school.
If the child you are raising has an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) at school, the team can help you with their transition to adulthood. Check with the child’s school about what is in their IEP. Ask how they can bolster it to prepare the student for life after school.
You can find additional tips for young adults with learning disabilities in the article called, “Preparing Teens with Cognitive Delays for the Future,” which is also on this site.
Continue to support and advocate for this child!
Whether or not this child continues to live with you, they will need your love and support. Every young adult needs a safety net: a place and a person to whom they can turn for help when adulthood feels challenging. Help them build a support system of people who will mentor and care about them. With great habits from their time with you and a good support network for their future, they can become the productive, successful, and happy adults you want them to be.