If you’re raising a grandchild, do you know when and how to speak up for them at school? Maybe your grandchild (or nephew or niece) struggles academically or often gets in trouble for challenging behaviors. This can make it especially hard to talk with their teachers. But no matter what their abilities or age, this child needs you to support and advocate for them in their school life.
Why do they need your support?
Many children being raised apart from their parents have had hard lives. Their exposure to neglect and loss affects their ability to learn. The many losses in their life negatively impact their brain growth. Their social and emotional skills also follow that pattern. When a child’s brain regularly works in self-protection or survival mode, it can’t focus on learning.
Understanding how trauma impacts a child can help prepare you for behaviors that seem younger than your grandchild’s age. Maybe you’ve already seen them “acting out” or having trouble controlling their emotions. Your grandchild might seem behind in the emotional or social milestones needed for school.
Get ready to be their voice.
Before you can support this child at school, the child needs to feel safe and secure at home. Trusting you and knowing that you love them gives them the security needed to face a new school or challenges at their current school.
Learn as much as you can about their school and your grandchild’s strengths and needs. Make a plan to speak up for your grandchild and get the support they need to succeed at school. Your plan should include these 5 tips.
Five Tips to Advocate for Your Grandchild at School
1. Be the team leader.
You know your grandchild (or nephew or niece) better than anyone. Before the school year begins, introduce yourself to the school staff. In-person is best, but you can also email or call. Be friendly and form a partnership with the teacher. You may want to begin the school year with a letter to the teacher outlining this child’s strengths and needs. Here is an example of a letter to my child’s teacher.
Decide how much, when, and with whom you want to share information about your grandchild and their story. You want to share enough for the teacher to understand why this child might struggle with learning or behavior, but it’s not necessary to share all the sad details. Over-sharing or giving too much information too soon can bias a teacher. It may make them see this child as troubled or “a lot of work.” It can also overwhelm a teacher with a classroom full of kids who need them.
Once you’ve established a relationship with the school, continue clear, frequent contact throughout the school year.
2. Paperwork is important!
Use a system to keep and organize all school records and documentation for your child. This should include report cards, test scores, and communication with the teacher. Keep any disciplinary actions and evaluation results. Click here to read more about maintaining a paper trail.
Along with a paper trail, learn any educational jargon that applies to your child. This can feel overwhelming at first, but you can do it! If you see or hear a term or an acronym that you don’t know, don’t be afraid to ask, or look it up. This is especially important if they have an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) or a 504 plan. This article will help you understand IEPs and 504 plans.
Under the federal Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), you and your child have legal protections during the evaluation and IEP process. “10 Key Procedural Safeguards in IDEA” explains the ground rules of how to work with the school.
3. Be involved.
Your grandchild (or nephew or niece) will benefit from the “whole” school experience. This includes extra-curricular activities and community-building events. Sign her up for soccer. Go to the school’s Fall Fest. Volunteer in the classroom. If you have time before the school year starts, make play dates with other kids who attend the same school. It will be comforting to have familiar faces on her first day.
4. Keep an open mind.
The school staff may do or recommend things that don’t make sense to you. If your school days were not happy ones, remember that your history does not have to dictate this child’s future. Be open to the school’s suggestions. Take time to read up on their recommendations. Talk with the team about how they plan to put the changes into action – ask for examples to help you understand.
You may be asked to consider evaluations for possible learning challenges. If so, ask for good resources to educate yourself before the follow-up conversation. Brainstorm with the teacher for classroom management ideas and embrace the information shared. They may use techniques at school with your grandchild that you will find helpful at home! It’s a two-way street — share with them things that you find helpful with your grandchild at home.
5. What to do if things go wrong.
If things go wrong look at the big picture and choose your battles wisely. You don’t want your relative’s child (or you) to be seen as a problem. Small things can often be overlooked and seem less important as time goes by. Sometimes talking about your concerns with another trusted adult can calm your anxiety and give you a different perspective. Ongoing friendly communication with the school can go a long way toward working through problems.
If you feel like the safety or success of your grandchild is in serious jeopardy, stay calm. Remember that there are 2 sides to every story. Go through the proper channels by contacting the teacher first. Jumping straight to the principal or school superintendent can make the situation worse and label you as a troublemaker. For better or worse, you will be modeling for this child how to handle problems.
You Can Set This Child Up for Success
Your grandchild’s time in school can be one of their happiest memories or one of their worst. You have the power to set and maintain the tone for their school experience. Be the leader of your child’s educational team. Educate yourself while keeping an open mind. Stay involved so that you can be this child’s biggest cheerleader and help them find continued success in school.
You may want to read a related article on this site, “Tips to Set Up Your Grandchild for Success in School.”