Children exposed to alcohol and drugs during pregnancy need more support to succeed. Daily routines are one of the best things you can do to help them.
Prenatal exposure affects how a child’s brain works. Kids exposed to alcohol and drugs during pregnancy often have trouble with:
- Organizing thoughts and actions, planning activities.
- Gaps in common sense or decision-making skills.
- Understanding and remembering the order of tasks, including putting thoughts in logical order.
- Understanding cause and effect – “this will happen when I do that” and “If I do this, that will probably happen.”
Setting up consistent daily routines can help ease these struggles. Their brains have trouble with planning–knowing what to do next and what order to do things. The routines you create do the planning for them so they can relax and concentrate on the doing rather than the planning.
We want to teach our kids the tools to become healthy, responsible adults. Consistent routines at the same time every day help build “muscle memory” for healthy habits.
The following three routines are particularly helpful.
Routine #1: Start with a Good Night’s Sleep
A good going-to-bed routine is essential to help your grandchild get to sleep and stay asleep.
There are many benefits to a good night’s sleep, including:
- Overall health and a boosted immune system
- Clearer, sharper minds
- Improved energy levels
- Improved emotional health
- Heart health
- Blood sugar leveling and weight management
If you don’t have a peaceful, consistent bedtime routine for your child who had prenatal exposure, start with these four suggestions.
1. “Lights out” at the same time every night.
Different age children need different amounts of sleep. Here is a resource to help determine how much sleep a child needs. Families with school-aged children must follow a school schedule, so you need to count back from what time a child must leave for school and how long it takes them to get ready to find the right time to turn out the lights at night.
2. Slower pace leading up to bedtime.
As kinship caregivers, you do a lot: school, work, therapies, sports, music lessons, homework, dishes, laundry, and more. It’s a challenge to slow down at the end of the day because there is usually still a lot that needs to get done!
However, children with prenatal exposure need a slower pace to tell their brains that sleep is coming. Dropping the pace before bed can help your grandchildren transition out of the rush of the day. Here are a couple of ideas to try as you go into “lights out” time.
- Limit screen time for everyone during the last hour of the day
- Read books together
- Listen to calming music or meditate/pray
- Take a warm bath or shower
- Do nighttime tasks in the same order each night: brush teeth, get in PJs, lay out clothes for tomorrow, read a book, say prayer, go to sleep.
3. Make space for healthy sleep.
For many children, the bedroom is also where they play, do homework, listen to music, or hang out. That space should feel peaceful and safe when it’s time to sleep. Look at the child’s sleeping space – even if it’s not a bedroom. Ask yourself these questions:
- Is it hard to feel peaceful in this space?
- Are there distractions that might keep their minds alert?
- How can I limit those distractions?
Their sleeping space should also be cool and dark. Nightlights are okay if they don’t cast scary shadows or make the room too bright. Layered blankets can help children who need some weight to calm their bodies. White noise or other soothing sounds can help block household or outdoor noises that can interrupt sleep.
4. Be patient.
Be patient with yourself and the child. New habits take time to learn. New routines won’t feel normal right away. Keep trying! Learn what works best for the child and for your family. Practicing is also a great model to your grandchildren in persistence and grit.
Routine #2: Begin the Day Consistently
A consistent morning routine is helpful to all kids, but especially kids with prenatal exposure. You will likely have to go the extra step to establish a morning routine. The following are tips to make it easier.
1. Use visual schedules.
Younger kids with prenatal exposure benefit from seeing pictures of what they are supposed to do and in the order that they are supposed to do them. Written checklists may be better for older kids and teens. There are online tools to help you create a visual routine.
Post the schedule where the morning activities occur. For example, put reminders for teeth-brushing and face-washing on the bathroom wall. Tape the other parts of the morning routine to the refrigerator door.
2. Break the routine into chunks.
Big tasks that have several steps can be challenging for this child. They may be able to do the first step but lose track of the second and third steps. To help, think about the natural breaks (or chunks) in your morning routine.
For example, the first chunk of a school day routine starts with the morning alarm. Think about the main tasks the child should do before they leave their room, for example:
- Get dressed
- Make the bed
- Pj’s under the pillow
Using those three steps, start your visual schedule with a picture of an alarm clock. Below it, include a picture of a child dressed for school. Next comes a picture of a nicely made bed with a pillow. Tape this schedule on the child’s dresser or pin it to a bulletin board by their door.
Now, use that format to make a picture schedule for the bathroom wall:
- Brush teeth
- Brush hair
- Wipe down counter and sink
3. Keep it simple and specific.
The key to a successful visual schedule is to keep it simple. Focus on the most important steps and forget about the rest. Your words should follow the posted schedule using the simplest terms possible: teeth, hair, wipe counter. Remember, kids with prenatal exposure take longer to process thoughts. You can limit this child’s frustration by keeping things simple and specific.
Whenever you can, rehearse the routines. During the bedtime routine, remind them of tomorrow’s routine. In the morning, recite what happens next:
“Good morning! It’s time to get up. Once you get your feet on the floor, please get dressed in the clothes we picked last night. Make your bed and put your pjs away. Follow your chart if you get stuck. I’ll see you down in the kitchen for breakfast.”
Routine #3: Use Technology
Your phone’s alarm feature can keep you all on track together. Use one sound for bedtime and the same alarm for “lights out.” Find a different sound for the morning alarm and bathroom routine.
Kids love technology – it’s much more natural to them than it is to us. Invite them to help you and have fun with it. Ask them to pick the tones for the “chunks” of their daily routines. When the alarms go off, pause to let them think about what this alarm means.
“Hey Johnny, what does the quacking duck mean?”
“It means it’s time to start my homework.”
“Yes. After you do your homework, can you set the table?”